Finds Humor In Business Culture Gifts

'Put this hundred dollar bill under his nose and he'll come around!'

"This position has become very important to the company."

"Hold my calls, Kimberly. I'm with a ball of string."

"I hate performance review season."

'...and so you see our profits, not unlike Sir Isaac Newton, have felt the effects of gravity.'

'An exxpert team set up a team of special consultants, that then set up a committee whose members asked their 7 year old kids. Now 14 months later they've concluded we're not efficient enough.'

"Imagine if only 1/2 the companies that claimed to have a great culture actually did."

"How can you have a meteoric rise to the top in a one-story building?"

"Has anyone mentioned that you're management now, …… You don't get overtime."

'I delegate, then I follow up.'

'This prediction has a margin of error of plus or minus fifteen...fifteen class-action suits brought against the company.'

'We're all right as long as they think we're taking millions.'

Executive golf with Newton's cradle

'I understand they specialize in acquisitions.'

'If we hadn't outsourced the staff, we could've eaten them.'

"I thought it would be appropriate to have a band playing as we went down."

Economy Slows: 'It's still too fast for me.'

'Remember, my door is always open Higgins, just be careful of the trap door.'

Re-Tooling Costs - "Could you be a little more precise than umpteen million?"

'Here you are, Simmons!'

High Noon at the O.K. Staff Meeting

"The jury didn't buy my defense that CEOs just want to have fun."

"It all looks fine to me."

'He insists on being a part of the corporate pipeline.'

'Kroogshank, why do I think that you try to hide from responsibility?'

"That's more like it Perkins..!!"

"2 for 1 special: Clean, polish, buff, seal"

"However, we're doing rather well, according to uninformed sources."

'Whenever they discuss trickle-down economics, I have to go to the bathroom.'

"Oh, for God's sake. It's just Marketing!"

"People, the facts are inescapable. Any ideas on how we can ignore them?"

'It has all the comfort of a regular jet, but it's invisible to shareholders.'

Sharks' Mission Statement

"Dammit, Higgins, we don't need simple explanations, we need complicated excuses!"

'Any chance of doubling my salary?'