Finds Clever Takes On Daily Life Amusing Pillows

Advanced Paper Training

'You know bank pens never work. Why didn't you write the holdup note before we left?!'

"He painted 300 pictures in his lifetime. 1000 of which are in England."

"I said, you know why women talk more than men?" "What?" "I said, you know why women talk more than men..." "What?"

'My 'harrumphs' are losing their volume.'

Home Business - Wife.

"Does it occur to you that the only thing separating us is a basket of bar snacks? And a flimsy basket at that?"

'That concludes my prepared remarks. I'll take questions that fit my prepared answers.'

"It's not as good a deal as it sounds - it's based on THEIR lifetime."

Elderly Dating

"You don't need a prescription, Mr. Beesley - you need an iron...."

Cloning departments

'I saw the light during my near death experience, but it turned out to be in my refrigerator.'

"When water turns into ice, which of its physical properties increases?"

'As I see it, there are two groups. Them - who came from nowhere and wear fig leaves - and us, who have been around for a long time, and are just trying to evolve.'

"No offense..."

"And so now I'm supposed to be the faithful companion who goes for help?"

'No, you weren't suffering from hot flashes again, dear. It really was boiling in the dining room and the toilet seats did have frost build up.'

Sheep Pranks.

'I'd like to try some coffins.' - 'Let me show you our standard size.' - 'It feels a bit tight around the waist.' - 'How are you looking to die?' - 'I don't know, really.' - 'I'd recommend a wasting disease.' -

"I'm always recovering from the previous ten minutes of my existence."

'These shooting sticks are not very comfortable!'

General Dentistry.

"You have three weeks to live, and I'm afraid they're in Feburary."

Time spent in a typical day

"The man I dated wasn't honest with me. He told me he earns six figures. He never told me that includes the decimal."

Insurance Claims Offices: Push and Pull the Other One!

'Ken, what have you rejected?' 'The rabbit droppings Noel!'

STOP! Do not attempt to move.

"Apparently reading about the causes of cancer gives you cancer."

Kiss My A**/Wipe Your Feet!

Clancy: The Treatment I Deserve

"How about if I was the last guy on the planet!?"