Enjoys Quirky Humor Pillows

'Ken, what have you rejected?' 'The rabbit droppings Noel!'

"My older self travels back just to remind me to put the cap back on this pen?"

"No, it wasn't a sinkhole. Your old TV was so heavy the ground could no longer take the weight."

"Just another 50 decibels on your grunt and we can start to think about letting you hit a few balls!"

'Okay, is there anybody else whose homework ate their dog?'

"You left this on our ship."

A tortoise toboggans down a hill in its shell

'This is one of our most recent vintages!'

Gifts for a cloned baby!

Don't swallow. I've lost a contact.

'Thou shalt not steal...except for bases.'

'He's a superior breed - He always drinks thru' a straw!'

"Walk, hell- I gotta dance."

"We have to take that science away from Tommy...he's genetically modified the cat!"

'But you know I don't have brand loyalty for anyone but you!'

'Tiddles has left everything to an old folks' home.'

"Go ahead. Press one for more options."

"I don't know what else we can do. He won't look up from the screen!"

"Someone throw him a punchline!"

"Bless You."

Cow talking to dog: 'What...You eat your own...?!'

Captain Corcoran, Commander of H.M.S. Pinafore

"Do you see that inexplicably beautiful hydrangea over there?… Nature calls."

"Sorry sir - the self-propelling pencils have all just walked out..."

"She likes to be included, so I told her the tea is called 'Squirrel Grey.'"

'He attained Nirvana in two weeks? - he's GOTTA be using steroids!'

Glance Exchange

"And that's General Ambrose T. Spangler. He died in the Great Mustache Fire of 1897."

'If he could trace the matching sock I've another 25 or 30 to account for.'

"Why the gumboots? Well, I can't stand slimy things touching my feet..."

Competitive Eating Competition Competitive Vomiting Competition,

"As Gregor Samsa awoke one morning from restless dreams, transformed into a monstrous vermin, he thought to himself: never again bourbon and tequila in the same night, and this time, I mean it."

"It's just a tree."

Overshadowed by the Tony's: Broadway's Lesser Known Awards

STRIP God' s dog urinating on planet Earth