Laughing At Life's Quirks Pillows

"And so now I'm supposed to be the faithful companion who goes for help?"

'My 'harrumphs' are losing their volume.'

"I need to tinkle."

"I think I've fixed the intercom. Just remember to speak into the ceiling fan when the doorbell rings."

Lilly was too far from the phone to complain about her new stairlift.

Missing my hair.

'Well sure, YOU'VE got brakes on FOUR wheels!'

'Wow! Where'd you come from?'

'I was going to hunt for them. Then I thought hey - why not just clone new ones!'

Emotional Incontinence - Emotional Illiteracy

'Your extensive anxiety condition was brought about by worrying about a national health plan.'

'Oh dear.'

Bad sea-legs

"So you turned off the power, huh?"

"When water turns into ice, which of its physical properties increases?"

'These shooting sticks are not very comfortable!'

'I'd like to try some coffins.' - 'Let me show you our standard size.' - 'It feels a bit tight around the waist.' - 'How are you looking to die?' - 'I don't know, really.' - 'I'd recommend a wasting disease.' -

"Isn't it incredible that both of is, at this exact same moment are unemployed/"

'The good news is your ailment is named after me, the bad news is there is no cure,'

General Dentistry.

"Are you sure this is what the man who attacked you looked like?"

'What's your wallet and keys doing in the refrigerator?'

"The most painful thing about the breakup was the tattoo removal."

'I hope you haven't been picking at it.'

"Of course - as a private patient you'd get little extras-like anaesthetic..."

'Was that you who screamed?' - 'No, the dentist.'

New Graduate: Entering real life.

REcalculating...