Financially Curious Gifts

STRIP *Bloomerbery Money * Bad fund manager

"Buy gold."

"What's it mean when you 'max out' a credit card?"

I have a way of making £1000 from an investment of £10...but where do I get £10?

'I'd rather hear about the more relevant pyramiding schemes.'

"It could be worse, you could have a life-threatening disease."

'Money isn't everything, Bruce. But just out of idle curiosity - how much is in the sack?'

He seems to be a painter in his free time......

Frankly, I'm surprised your newsagent let you go so far behind.

Another letter from my bank manager about my account being over drawn...

"When I put my money in a blind trust, I didn't think it'd be THAT blind."

"Here are my notes on collateralized debt obligation. Make me sound like I know what I'm talking about."

"Yes I know it says they have a value of one mil, sir, but I can't take these coupons for a deposit!"

"It creates the illusion of risk but you know you're perfectly safe."

"You may have been the victim of a mis-sold PFI contract."

"Is this the best investment strategy you could come up with?"

Gerry, there are more accurate ways of balancing the petty cash.

Business of Fingerpointing Line Art

Squirrel putting nuts in a safe box.

"I think I just solved my cash flow problem."

Shop struggles to sell books about recession: '90 per cent off on all credit crunch books' (Titles incluude: Beat the Crunch! Who's to Blame? We're all Doomed!)

'You don't have to worry about my future any more- I just downloaded an entire college education.'

'The bad news is it's all our client's money.'

Warning that Inflationary Policies Could Lead to Crash on Wall St

"I had that nightmare again where everyone found out I'm in my late thirties and still have no idea how the stock market works."

'A short economics test - if you bought something for

I love it when you speak Wall Streetese. Say 'to the upside' for me.

"They've made these fund prospectuses much easier to read." Brochure states; 'Give us all your money and get lost."

Hedge fund sharks attacking 'The Markets' ship.

"Allow me to introduce Recession. Recession is here to stay."

Fiscal Compass for the Global Investor.

"I was going to tell you it's a jungle out there, but I realize that's probably old news to you."

"Hey, honey, the credit card company increased our debt... I mean our credit limit!"

'...and this time Gerald, don't refer to the RBS as the Ripoff Bonus Scheme!'

Practical loans vs. devil-may-care loans.