Financial Curious Gifts

"I had that nightmare again where everyone found out I'm in my late thirties and still have no idea how the stock market works."

"It creates the illusion of risk but you know you're perfectly safe."

'Actually, accounting is an exact science.'

"You may have been the victim of a mis-sold PFI contract."

"Is this the best investment strategy you could come up with?"

Gerry, there are more accurate ways of balancing the petty cash.

Business of Fingerpointing Line Art

"I think I just solved my cash flow problem."

Shop struggles to sell books about recession: '90 per cent off on all credit crunch books' (Titles incluude: Beat the Crunch! Who's to Blame? We're all Doomed!)

'You don't have to worry about my future any more- I just downloaded an entire college education.'

'The bad news is it's all our client's money.'

Warning that Inflationary Policies Could Lead to Crash on Wall St

"Yeah, I know. bu tthe administration didn't want to appear culturally insensitive."

'A short economics test - if you bought something for

I love it when you speak Wall Streetese. Say 'to the upside' for me.

"They've made these fund prospectuses much easier to read." Brochure states; 'Give us all your money and get lost."

Hedge fund sharks attacking 'The Markets' ship.

"Allow me to introduce Recession. Recession is here to stay."

Fiscal Compass for the Global Investor.

"I was going to tell you it's a jungle out there, but I realize that's probably old news to you."

"Hey, honey, the credit card company increased our debt... I mean our credit limit!"

"I was downgraded to junk status at work today."

'Believe me dad. I'm on the school math team. If your investments declined 50 then increased 50 you did not break even.'

'...and this time Gerald, don't refer to the RBS as the Ripoff Bonus Scheme!'

Practical loans vs. devil-may-care loans.

'Stand back! All he needs is an injection of long-term capital.'

Tempest in a Teapot

"We balanced our budget this month!"

'Why do you want a career in the bank?'

"Did you hear that that bastard McMinney has buggered of to work for Bank of America!"

'Does it bother you that we have all the money?'

Money Plant.

'...And do you John take Jennifer to be your lawfully wedded wife? To have and to hold, to write off on your taxes?'

'Would you do me the honour of becoming tax advantaged with me?'

Golden parachutes inc. - 'Our pleas for bail-out funds were ignored.'