Financial Puzzle Fan Gifts

'I can understand Heisenberg's equation and Schrodinger's equation for quantum mechanics but I cannot understand derivative trading.'

How should I know up or down? All I heard was the FT was 74.95.

'I sure wish there was a formula for picking the right mutual fund!'

'Look a huge bird!'

'It's a retrospective of Bernanke's most obtuse economic jargon...'

Bank Cuts Jobs. . . Employees in Need!

Greece - The Black Hole

"Good morning - I'm from your bank. We'd like our house back please!"

"If all countries are in debt, who's got all the money?"

"Next riddle without looking it up, can you tell me which is the routing number and which is the account?"

"Will the current economic trend end in a whimper or a bang? For answers, let's turn to tonight's guests!"

The Apprentice: Recession Special.

I've been studying reverse psychology at Tonga Tech Online University. Seriously? Nobody's going to go to a psychologist who's got a diploma from some random online college. And psychologists have to have a whole arsenal of treatments. They can't just use reverse psychology for everything. So what you're reverse-saying is, I'll be sought-after and highly effective. No that's ... ok, yes, that's exactly what I'm saying.

'Here's where we went wrong - you applied for chapter 11, but you only qualify for chapter 6!'

Piggy bank queuing at the bank.

Look at what your verdict is doing to my complexion!

'Make sure he doesn't turn his TV to any business news programs while he's here.'

Financial Advisor. Whenever I start collecting the fruits of my labor, I slip on a banana peel. (Published originally on Jan. 25, 2008).

'Think about it: If you eat me now, you won't get an egg every day...'

Freddy Mac and Fannie Mae.

"Well, if everybody does it, it must be o.k."

"He's on your 'personal computer'. . . his name is Norman and he's really good at mental arithmetic."

"We managed to make ends meet."

S.S, Eurozone in Mayday call

'Just because I understand how to maintain the Heating and Cooling systems in the world's biggest buildings doesn't mean I understand the tax code.'

Geographic Oddities. It defies logic, but Little Rock is a bigger city than Boulder.

Chicken and egg in a waiting room: 'Who was first?'

"Liquidity is when you wake up one day to see your pension pot has vanished, then you wet yourself."

'According to the surveys nine out of ten doctors agree that one out of ten doctors is an idiot...'

Stealth Taxman

'Bascombe has put all his mutual fund assets into a blind trust, but it was set up so well he can't even locate it.'

"It seems reasonable to assume that eating the stuff won't do us any good either."

I hear the ironic thing is he fails miserably whenever attempting to balance his checkbook.

'I'm afraid those shares have gone from a maturing stock to a laughing stock.'

"I rolled my pension over and over and over, and now I have no idea where the hell it is."