Financial Mystery Lover Gifts

Stealth Taxman

'This financial report is frightening. Who wrote it, Stephen King?"

"Did you hear that that bastard McMinney has buggered of to work for Bank of America!"

'Why do you want a career in the bank?'

'Would you do me the honour of becoming tax advantaged with me?'

"Your resume's very impressive, but we're looking for a financial wizard."

'Now that we've moved to Hawaii, I can start trading at 3:30 a.m.--Isn't that great?'

Woman uses an ATM with buttons for: Grocery, Leverage Buyout, Start Up Capital, Shop Till You Drop.

I'll put this in a way you'll understand: you need to transfer your feelings from savings to checking.

How should I know up or down? All I heard was the FT was 74.95.

"Nothing is illegal if a hundred businessmen decide to do it."

Man feeding fish banks with money, not food.

"Phew! I'm glad this part of the ride is over..."

"If all countries are in debt, who's got all the money?"

The Bullish World

Greece - The Black Hole

'Right you've got 30 minutes...start squeezing.'

'I can understand Heisenberg's equation and Schrodinger's equation for quantum mechanics but I cannot understand derivative trading.'

'Last night Warren Buffett came to me in a dream and whispered in my ear, but it was just sexual.'

"He was expecting a golden handshake."

'Do we have any stocks rated 'cute'?'

Man with a Plan

'...but then the Dow rallied and the blue chips began to rise...'

'Your in great shape...'

"junior, I'll explain 'taxation' to you, if you explain 'crowdfunding' to me."

'Make sure he doesn't turn his TV to any business news programs while he's here.'

The Panama Hat Trick

Snowman in front of IRS wears barrel

'I sure thought we were done for when we flat-lined like that.'

'Yeah. It was a good day.'

'Frankly, I'm looking for someone who's tall, dark and solvent.'

What's a CEO's motivation?

"You can afford to retire at 65, but you'll need to die at 70."

'Good news! Some guy stole my identity online. Now he's saddled with my bad credit rating.'

"I take it your credit score has gone up?"