Financial News Fanatic Gifts

'Greenspan said today the alert status for possible interest rate changes has been reduced from orange to yellow.'

'The market took it up the ass today, details at eleven.'

The Great Hunter

"I don't like the looks of this..."

"Stock options for your thoughts."

"Welcome to the bank - you'll start at the bottom."

Profit

Jack of all trades

Businessmen trying to prop up a line-chart with sticks

'We're under capitalized. As soon as we reach the break even point we'll buy a lemon.'

"Your wonderful daughter and I would like to become engaged in F.Y. '97, married in F.Y. '98, and if the numbers look good, start a family in F.Y. '99."

'He's so rich, when he writes a cheque the bank bounces.'

"I'm from brokers without borders. Invest in deserted island reits!"

"Son, you're old enough now for The Talk: everything you need to know about compound interest."

'Good news! Our nest egg is developing into a double yoke.'

'Can he call you back? He's taking time to stop and smell the profits.'

Desk plaques: 'Money isn't everything' '...Which makes it no less awesome in my opinion.'

"#Win!"

It's okay Mom! As a broker, I'm under supervision of the SEC!

"O.K. he's a billionaire, but how much of it is in cash?"

"Okay, money doesn't make you happy. So how about commodity futures?"

'He's downgrading the credit agencies.'

Investments - Founders Bear and Bull.

'And finally, there is the universal solution.'

World Economic Crisis.

'A representative from Merrill Lynch to see you.'

'Not bad, Ms. Newborn. But take another crack at it, and this time remember that 'earnings-per-share' is the alter upon which all other numbers are sacrificed.'

'When investment bankers give parental advice'

"I've finally found a therapist who understands options."

The bad news is our boxer shorts are still bursting into flames. The good news is our brand recognition is through the roof

Fish and color

"Now I'll demonstrate how, with a minimum of capital investment, you can make a mountain out of a molehill!"

'This is where we go to get away from it all. . . except for Stanley's money.'

'Let's try this church. They welcome all denominations!'

"For details on the bear market, here's a bear..."