Business News Fanatic Gifts

'Sir, you're able to receive Bloomberg TV just through your veines. That means, you're a workaholic!'

Thanks to the financial business scientists know it for sure now - Black Holes really exist!

"On Wall Street today, news of lower interest rates sent the stock market up, but then the expectation that these rates would be inflationary sent the market down, until the realization that lower rates might stimulate the sluggish economy pushed the mark

'...and the Nikkei closed down on the day.'

Nervous World Markets.

'That's it gentlemen, we're broke. Anybody know any good jokes?'

'Stocks rose on news that '90% of success is just being there.''

'And this just in from the stock market... buy, sell, buy, sell, buy, sell, buy!'

How should I know up or down? All I heard was the FT was 74.95.

'Stocks plummeted today, on forecasts that tomorrow will be warm and muggy.'

"Here comes our first V.P., Mrs. Byers, now. Mrs. Byers is results-oriented."

Political Debate, 'I'd like a word with the debate chairman.'

'The market goes up, the market goes down. And that's our business report.'

"We interrupt C.B.S.'s evening news with a special bulletin from N.B.C.!"

'He used to swear by the stock market. Now he swears at it.'

'What's our stockbroker doing in the shower? Quick! Run and get me a rolled up copy of the Wall Street Journal!'

"On Wall Street today, the stock market corrected its previous correction, and is pretty sure it's got it right this time."

"Dad, here's that update on my childhood you requested."

'Today, in the stock market, 'irrational exuberance' was up, 'caution' was down.'

'Today a ray of hope . . .'

'You're beat. Maybe you need to wake up to a better morning news team.'

'We've got to stop him watching Robert Peston.'

"I've been working remote so long I didn't know my company has been bought and sold three times."

'Greenspan said today the alert status for possible interest rate changes has been reduced from orange to yellow.'

'You're watching the stock market wayyy too closely.'

"He passed out from apoplectic rage directed at Trump's voter fraud conspiracies."

"President Gorbachev had his hands full again today."

'Media stocks rose on news that Warren Buffett, a real smart feller, brought the Omaha World-Herald.'

"Now we'll all close our eyes and cover our ears, and the person who took the four hundred and twenty-eight million dollars will put it back."

'I know you purchased the stock at fifty and now it's ten, and they filed for bankruptcy, but let's not read too much into that.'

The Panic Forecast

"O.K. Will somebody please bring me up to date?"

Businessman Cut Down by Monthly Reports

"I've called this media conference to say...We have nothing to say!"

"Gentlemen, this has materially changed the way we grease palms."