Financial Fitness Guru Gifts

'It's his only form of exercise these days...chasing yield.'

Impressive fund manager.

'What I don't understand is how all three of us managed to get the figures wrong!'

Phrenology bust with sections for different currencies.

Golly, �1m a year isn't too much. I don't know why your shareholders don't understand you.

"These projections don't make sparkles shoot out my ass."

"I’ve combined all your outstanding debt into what we here in the banking business like to call a honkin’ big loan."

'Please remember that these figures could be off as much as two dollars.'

'And remember to emphasize we're giving them the opportunity to find a better job.'

The president's men

'Can't they just switch to smaller barrels?'

"Helen brings home our second, third and fourth incomes."

'Progress of a bookshelf'

"Obviously some people here don't appreciate the gravity of our situation."

'If he knows so much about stocks and shares, how come he still has to work?'

GAS PRICES AT PUMP

'We're finding out that those 'wrongs' we made 'right' were actually right after all.'

"We need to reset our fiscal compass to the changing business horizon."

'Now, keep in mind that these numbers are only as accurate as the fictitious data, ludicrous assumptions and wishful thinking they're based upon!'

"The economy always seems to be recovering, but it never recovers."

The best financial decision I ever made.

"Today we'll be performing some much needed maintenance on Miss Trimbles weak pelvic floor."

'Investment charts can be complicated, son, but that usually means, 'bonuses'.'

"Hoskins, try saying 'profits are up' without the finger quotes, okay?"

The economy.

'Let's just wait here until the federal stimulus returns.'

E.U. Banking Union.

'You know you're getting old when you take longer to recover than to get tired.'

'We're living in a round hole economy.'

"We need to change, but WHEN?"

"I can always tell when Philip is working on family finances. A 'cursor' appears on both sides of the computer screen."

'As you can see, it's too late for a termination...Baby is capable of surviving outside the womb...'

Wall Street Couch

'Plimbco Bank &Trust, Old Money Division.'

"We've called this special Stocholders meeting because we want all of our stock back."