Personal Finance Guru Gifts

'You have to reconcile your gross habits with your net income.'

'I probably spend about 95 of what I make on partying--the rest gets squandered.'

Bank Checking Accounts. We've been over this --- "Direct deposit" only works if someone's participating on the other end.

"And what about last month, when I was UNDERdrawn?"

'Looking for a quickie sir?'

"The shock was too much for him - we offered him 2% on a CD."

'What I don't understand is how all three of us managed to get the figures wrong!'

Phrenology bust with sections for different currencies.

Golly, �1m a year isn't too much. I don't know why your shareholders don't understand you.

"These projections don't make sparkles shoot out my ass."

"I’ve combined all your outstanding debt into what we here in the banking business like to call a honkin’ big loan."

'Please remember that these figures could be off as much as two dollars.'

'And remember to emphasize we're giving them the opportunity to find a better job.'

The president's men

'Can't they just switch to smaller barrels?'

"Helen brings home our second, third and fourth incomes."

'Progress of a bookshelf'

'If he knows so much about stocks and shares, how come he still has to work?'

"Obviously some people here don't appreciate the gravity of our situation."

GAS PRICES AT PUMP

'We're finding out that those 'wrongs' we made 'right' were actually right after all.'

"We need to reset our fiscal compass to the changing business horizon."

'If you're so smart, why don't you have some Index Funds in your portfolio?'

'Now, keep in mind that these numbers are only as accurate as the fictitious data, ludicrous assumptions and wishful thinking they're based upon!'

"The economy always seems to be recovering, but it never recovers."

The best financial decision I ever made.

'Let's just wait here until the federal stimulus returns.'

"Hoskins, try saying 'profits are up' without the finger quotes, okay?"

The economy.

'Investment charts can be complicated, son, but that usually means, 'bonuses'.'

E.U. Banking Union.

"We need to change, but WHEN?"

'We're living in a round hole economy.'

'As you can see, it's too late for a termination...Baby is capable of surviving outside the womb...'

Wall Street Couch