Financial Fiasco Appreciation Pillows

You have 17 creditors that won't get paid this month. Eighteen, including yourself.

"I don't consider a missing four million dollars to be 'monkeyshines'."

'Even if we did skin you last year, you may not deduct your dermatologist bill this year.'

When a teen finds out his parents are volunteering in the youth group.

Conrad Black will be unable to do his investment club's tax returns this year.

'Rumors...'

Demonic Repossession

"The Bank has returned the rent cheque marked 'Insufficient funds', but it doesn't say whether that's them or us!"

'And then I said, 'So sue me!'...'

Voice-activated computer cannot distinguish between buy and sell.

Greece & EU

'Today stocks tumbled on the rumor that there is no Santa Claus.'

Junk bonds, inc. InOut trays.

'I need a small, temporary tax hike - I found a great investment opportunity in Nigeria.'

'I'm sorry Jeeves, I'm going to have to let one go.'

'Quick, Lassie, our credit cards are maxed! Get help!'

"Clean your wallet, Sir?"

"I discovered this fantastic accountant, who knew all the angles, fot my tax liabilities down to almost nil, and even had the Inland Revenue owning me money. Unfortunately, the Inland Revenue discovered him shortly afterwards."

'The only investment I'd suggest is that you rent a van, then put your office equipment in and take it to the pawn shop.'

"If there's discrepancies in my tax returns, don't blame me. Blame the guy in the alley I paid $20 to do them."

'Larry, have you seen the prospectus of our new 'chaos fund'? It should do well in the event of a global financial collapse.'

'We had a clogged sink in the men's lavatory. I had to call in a Plumber.'

"The tax authority wants to hide someone from their witness protection program here. They think it'll be safe because no one would look for an honest accountant at our company."

'What do you want the money for?'

'When you give the annual report, sir, can you slip in a bit of faux honesty?'

"Your company has gone bankrupt and you've been imprisoned because we gave you bad info? Didn't your mom ever teach you not to trust strangers?"

'Should I ask for a raise?' 'Don't bother, the firm's going under!'

'What do you mean overdrawn...I still have twelve cheques left!'

Nearly every day I'm satisfied, happy, and enjoy my life...can you sell my stocks that'll make me broke and depressive?

'According to our bank statement, they're broke.'

Last investor in pyramid scheme

'Hi, can we accept a credit card from a professional pick pocket?'