Financial Folly Appreciator Pillows

I need a raise. This is no time to joke. I've been on a buying binge at the iPhone app store and I can't pay my credit card. These apps are worth it. They're life-changing, they're

"I don't consider a missing four million dollars to be 'monkeyshines'."

God bless our home equity line of credit.

A few Halloween costume ideas.

"...but, seriously..."

"My plan moving forward involves fire and Brazilian passports."

'Even if we did skin you last year, you may not deduct your dermatologist bill this year.'

Sign on door of company cafeteria of financial services company says: 'Do not feed the bears'.

'Sorry, I don't do financial advice.'

'Your check to 'Hooters' bounced, ironically enought.'

Conrad Black will be unable to do his investment club's tax returns this year.

'Rumors...'

Demonic Repossession

'It's called 'Creative Accounting'.'

'It's nothing personal against you, Bobo -- it's just that Limbaugh is funnier.'

'My hedge fund just got trimmed!'

'All of you get your hands in the air and give me all your money!'

Voice-activated computer cannot distinguish between buy and sell.

You have 17 creditors that won't get paid this month. Eighteen, including yourself.

'Today stocks tumbled on the rumor that there is no Santa Claus.'

'This is pretty good to prevent your money from slipping through your fingers!'

'The only investment I'd suggest is that you rent a van, then put your office equipment in and take it to the pawn shop.'

'I wish I had a dime for every prey that's escaped, then I could afford to eat out once in awhile.'

"Clean your wallet, Sir?"

"I discovered this fantastic accountant, who knew all the angles, fot my tax liabilities down to almost nil, and even had the Inland Revenue owning me money. Unfortunately, the Inland Revenue discovered him shortly afterwards."

'Larry, have you seen the prospectus of our new 'chaos fund'? It should do well in the event of a global financial collapse.'

"...Squawk! Loan application not approved... Loan application not approved!"

"The tax authority wants to hide someone from their witness protection program here. They think it'll be safe because no one would look for an honest accountant at our company."

'But, you see, it is a balanced fund. Some of the stocks are excellent, and others are just plain lousy.'

Servant who has broken her mistress' new milk jug

'We had a clogged sink in the men's lavatory. I had to call in a Plumber.'

"Not exactly the kind of morale boosting I had in mind."

"I like to think that, in my own little way, I played a significant role in the overall advancement of human folly!"

Nearly every day I'm satisfied, happy, and enjoy my life...can you sell my stocks that'll make me broke and depressive?

'What do you mean overdrawn...I still have twelve cheques left!'