Financial Fiasco Appreciation Gifts

You have 17 creditors that won't get paid this month. Eighteen, including yourself.

"I don't consider a missing four million dollars to be 'monkeyshines'."

I need a raise. This is no time to joke. I've been on a buying binge at the iPhone app store and I can't pay my credit card. These apps are worth it. They're life-changing, they're

"My plan moving forward involves fire and Brazilian passports."

'Even if we did skin you last year, you may not deduct your dermatologist bill this year.'

When a teen finds out his parents are volunteering in the youth group.

'Your check to 'Hooters' bounced, ironically enought.'

Conrad Black will be unable to do his investment club's tax returns this year.

'Rumors...'

Demonic Repossession

"The Bank has returned the rent cheque marked 'Insufficient funds', but it doesn't say whether that's them or us!"

'And then I said, 'So sue me!'...'

Greece & EU

Voice-activated computer cannot distinguish between buy and sell.

'Today stocks tumbled on the rumor that there is no Santa Claus.'

"Clean your wallet, Sir?"

'Quick, Lassie, our credit cards are maxed! Get help!'

"I discovered this fantastic accountant, who knew all the angles, fot my tax liabilities down to almost nil, and even had the Inland Revenue owning me money. Unfortunately, the Inland Revenue discovered him shortly afterwards."

Junk bonds, inc. InOut trays.

'I need a small, temporary tax hike - I found a great investment opportunity in Nigeria.'

'The only investment I'd suggest is that you rent a van, then put your office equipment in and take it to the pawn shop.'

'I'm sorry Jeeves, I'm going to have to let one go.'

"If there's discrepancies in my tax returns, don't blame me. Blame the guy in the alley I paid $20 to do them."

Karate School. Self-Defense. I can't believe you signed a contract for a full year of expensive karate lessons! I know --- I'm still kicking myself!

'Larry, have you seen the prospectus of our new 'chaos fund'? It should do well in the event of a global financial collapse.'

'What do you want the money for?'

'When you give the annual report, sir, can you slip in a bit of faux honesty?'

'We had a clogged sink in the men's lavatory. I had to call in a Plumber.'

"Your company has gone bankrupt and you've been imprisoned because we gave you bad info? Didn't your mom ever teach you not to trust strangers?"

"The tax authority wants to hide someone from their witness protection program here. They think it'll be safe because no one would look for an honest accountant at our company."

'What do you mean overdrawn...I still have twelve cheques left!'

Nearly every day I'm satisfied, happy, and enjoy my life...can you sell my stocks that'll make me broke and depressive?

'According to our bank statement, they're broke.'

'Should I ask for a raise?' 'Don't bother, the firm's going under!'

Last investor in pyramid scheme