Finance Professional Gifts

No-one ever leaves Goldman Sachs voluntarily

"Bitcoin Explained"

"Now, where was I?"

'Just exactly how bad is our cash flow problem?'

"This month's business meeting is the same as last month's business meeting but with many more problems."

'Risky? Good lord no! We're going to make a fortune!'

'Mergers and takeovers and profits, oh my! Mergers and takeovers and profits, oh my! Mergers and. . . '

"I delegated all my responsibilities, now there's nothing left to do."

'If you ask me, someone needs to tell Mergers and Acquisitions to cool it for a while!'

'I'll give you a HUGE bonus in bitcoins if you can explain to me what the hell they are.'

'Just to be clear: Which one of you is Mumbo and which one is Jumbo?

'I used to be an accountant but I found it too depressing.'

'I don't care how young it makes you feel. You work here, you carry a briefcase.'

Cleaner in front of interview panel - 'So what makes you want to apply for the job of Equity Fund Manager?'

'Perhaps, Mr. Hartwelder, you could arrange to have the company pay me in cash rather than stock options.'

'What's the smallest budget you can manage on?'

'And exactly how much less did it cost to implement Five Sigma instead of Six, Dwayne?'

"This is Roscoe. He's in Accounts Receivable."

"Up a hundred and sixteen points! If only we'd had the foresight to invest ten minutes ago."

'My grades didn't really go down...it was just a market correction.'

'Our short-term solution is money. Our long-term solution is more money.'

'Exactly how much do you have to speculate before anything starts to accumulate?'

Enron collapse starts domino effect.

"Careful, you'll upset Dad's work/life balance."

'Sorry, Mary, but my intuition has been telling me to avoid hunches altogether!'

'To be perfectly honest, I don't know how long it will take to solve this problem. Heck, I don't even know if it is possible to solve it: That's why it's called 'Research'...'

'Insurance. Who needs it?'

'If i had my life to live over again... I'd make the same mistakes sooner'

'He's our new portfolio manager.'

Quasi-legal Pad.

'Why not consolidate your existing debts into one monthly repayment?'

'G+N Accountants': 'Mr Gross' (fat) and 'Mr Net' (thin).

'The fact that you worked as an unpaid intern shows you don't understand the concept of being a banker.'

'Oh, not a computer, Caldwell -- we're replacing you with a computer simulation.'

"No." "Nooooo". "Noooooooooo."