Finance Professional Gifts

No-one ever leaves Goldman Sachs voluntarily

"Bitcoin Explained"

Warren Buffett as a child

"Now, where was I?"

'Just exactly how bad is our cash flow problem?'

"This month's business meeting is the same as last month's business meeting but with many more problems."

'Risky? Good lord no! We're going to make a fortune!'

'Mergers and takeovers and profits, oh my! Mergers and takeovers and profits, oh my! Mergers and. . . '

"I delegated all my responsibilities, now there's nothing left to do."

'If you ask me, someone needs to tell Mergers and Acquisitions to cool it for a while!'

'I'll give you a HUGE bonus in bitcoins if you can explain to me what the hell they are.'

'Just to be clear: Which one of you is Mumbo and which one is Jumbo?

'I used to be an accountant but I found it too depressing.'

'I don't care how young it makes you feel. You work here, you carry a briefcase.'

'What's the smallest budget you can manage on?'

Cleaner in front of interview panel - 'So what makes you want to apply for the job of Equity Fund Manager?'

'And exactly how much less did it cost to implement Five Sigma instead of Six, Dwayne?'

'Perhaps, Mr. Hartwelder, you could arrange to have the company pay me in cash rather than stock options.'

"This is Roscoe. He's in Accounts Receivable."

'My grades didn't really go down...it was just a market correction.'

"Up a hundred and sixteen points! If only we'd had the foresight to invest ten minutes ago."

'Our short-term solution is money. Our long-term solution is more money.'

'Exactly how much do you have to speculate before anything starts to accumulate?'

Enron collapse starts domino effect.

"Careful, you'll upset Dad's work/life balance."

'Sorry, Mary, but my intuition has been telling me to avoid hunches altogether!'

'To be perfectly honest, I don't know how long it will take to solve this problem. Heck, I don't even know if it is possible to solve it: That's why it's called 'Research'...'

"Oh boy, am I never glad to see you."

'Insurance. Who needs it?'

'If i had my life to live over again... I'd make the same mistakes sooner'

'Why not consolidate your existing debts into one monthly repayment?'

'G+N Accountants': 'Mr Gross' (fat) and 'Mr Net' (thin).

"There's two terms I'd like to discuss with you in your financial report to our investors: apocalyptic and bajillion."

Quasi-legal Pad.

'He's our new portfolio manager.'