Festive Wordsmith Gifts

''Happy Holidays'? -- Don't tell me YOU'RE getting politically correct, now?'

Unforgettable, that's what you are... Gnat King Cole

To no ones surprise, they ran head-on into one another. (All couples are wearing teachers reading 'I'm with Stupid'.)

"‘Extra vile old ox’? No, sir – it stands for ‘extra virgin olive oil.’"

I think you're ace

"Oh, sorry - Open Sesame, PLEASE."

"If x is the set of all men that love you, then I am a member of x."

Spiritualism: Meet the Authors.

My other car has a bumper sticker that says this on it too.

"Let's see. Seuss... Seuss... Here we go. That's a medium box of bagels and lox and a pop on the rocks by seven o' clock."

Shakespeare loved a grammar joke

"Right now, grandmom's bark is definitely worse than her bite!"

Best Seller

'Actually, I don't get out much. I spend most of my time alone, writing lyrical novels celebrating nature and the interconnectedness of all living things!'

'Did you really mean both me and a hippopotamus evolved from a tiny blob in the ocean?'

I said, your bones ache because you’re old. I’m referring you to an archaeologist.

"He belongs to a lawyer."

Mother Goose's Haiku

"Remorse sits in my stomach like a piece of stale bread. How does that sound?"

'To err is human... but to forgive is against company policy!'

Intellectual Foreplay...

'You use the former when wooing your beloved and the latter during negotiations with your divorce lawyers.'

You trip on it, you buy it.

A Poet

Olden Day Battle of the Bands (Bard vs Sonnet).

"I love you a bushel and a peck. How else?"

Novelist, writing her own vows... runs into writer's block.

'He never listened to his mother!'

Sharp Eyes

"What's 'ET' short for. . . ?"

"I got into the coffee for the wordplay."