Festive Linguist Pillows

On the third day of Christmas...

Christmas tree with wadded up lights.

Mrs. Claus has a ladies night out.

Frozen Turkey: "I hate to bother you on a holiday but I'm freezing out here. Do you have a heated enclosed space I could rest inside for four to five hours?"

'I'm the ghost of Christmas future. I'm hammered, can we do this later...?'

Christmas Presents.

Yo ho ho!

Help! Have to pay back a big world bank loan.

Bad gifts

"Just as I feared. Tariffs."

Snowman has twisted, wonky carrot nose: 'Apparently, it's organic.'

"I've had. . . um. . . just a small sherry. . ."

"As you can see, I've learned the alphabet."

Merry Kissmas

"Do excuse me, I've got a nuttiness allergy."

'Naughty? Nice? Santa, I don't deal in absolutes.'

'Let's open presents Christmas Eve AND morning. That way Christmas lasts for TWO days.'

"Who cares what little kids think? What's important is that you believe in yourself."

'I agreed to guide you, My contract says nothing about pulling a sleigh,'

'I don't believe in myself any more.'

'Due to budget cuts we are having to take on more temporary staff.'

DNA Xmas.

Merry Sisyphus - Christmas pudding being pushed up a mountain.

"And if you don't know what to say, just say, 'Ho, ho, ho!''

Elf of the Month

"Pull over, Rudolph! We'll have to charge the electric sleigh again..."

'Well, hello, Mr. Christmas!'

Your dad is a union man, isn't he?

'No, I'm not writing to Santa, I'm writing a blog questioning the validity of Santa, since he has no web presence.'

Santa hosing the Chimney.

'I feel so much safer with an air marshal on board.'

There IS a Santa Claus.

Poinsettia

C.P.A.