Festive Linguist Pillows

On the third day of Christmas...

Christmas tree with wadded up lights.

Mrs. Claus has a ladies night out.

Frozen Turkey: "I hate to bother you on a holiday but I'm freezing out here. Do you have a heated enclosed space I could rest inside for four to five hours?"

Mrs Claus - North Pole Dancing.

'I'm the ghost of Christmas future. I'm hammered, can we do this later...?'

Christmas Presents.

Yo ho ho!

Bad gifts

Help! Have to pay back a big world bank loan.

"Just as I feared. Tariffs."

Snowman has twisted, wonky carrot nose: 'Apparently, it's organic.'

'Whatever happened to 'Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow.''

"I've had. . . um. . . just a small sherry. . ."

"As you can see, I've learned the alphabet."

Merry Kissmas

"Do excuse me, I've got a nuttiness allergy."

'Let's open presents Christmas Eve AND morning. That way Christmas lasts for TWO days.'

'Naughty? Nice? Santa, I don't deal in absolutes.'

"Who cares what little kids think? What's important is that you believe in yourself."

'I agreed to guide you, My contract says nothing about pulling a sleigh,'

'I don't believe in myself any more.'

'Due to budget cuts we are having to take on more temporary staff.'

Merry Sisyphus - Christmas pudding being pushed up a mountain.

DNA Xmas.

'Well, hello, Mr. Christmas!'

"And if you don't know what to say, just say, 'Ho, ho, ho!''

Elf of the Month

"Pull over, Rudolph! We'll have to charge the electric sleigh again..."

Your dad is a union man, isn't he?

'No, I'm not writing to Santa, I'm writing a blog questioning the validity of Santa, since he has no web presence.'

Santa hosing the Chimney.

'I feel so much safer with an air marshal on board.'

There IS a Santa Claus.

'This would be perfect for Charlene to give her husband...'