Festive Historians Pillows

"Three kings and we still can't get a room upgrade?"

'Santa recalled thousands of toys ― he delivered them to kids who're in fact naughty.'

Happy Holidays from Sanitary Claus!

"A GPS! Thanks guys! It's exactly what I need to guide my sleigh...you know, in light of that unfortunate hunting accident."

Frosting the Snowman

'No, dear. I don't think the star on the Christmas tree will implode, and suck our living room into a black hole.'

Classic Emojis for sale.

"We'll see how it goes. It's Santa's first year with the genetically modified deer."

Bad gifts

Help! Have to pay back a big world bank loan.

"Just as I feared. Tariffs."

'Naughty? Nice? Santa, I don't deal in absolutes.'

Old fashioned Christmas shopping

"Who cares what little kids think? What's important is that you believe in yourself."

'I don't believe in myself any more.'

'Due to budget cuts we are having to take on more temporary staff.'

Safe Christmas.

"I'd like to thank everyone who believed in me."

"At the Christmas Artifacts Museum"

Santa and reindeer in line with shadows

'No, I'm not writing to Santa, I'm writing a blog questioning the validity of Santa, since he has no web presence.'

There IS a Santa Claus.

'I feel so much safer with an air marshal on board.'

It was brighter than most, and Biggins allowed himself a quiet smile as he contemplated the immense speeds involved as it burned itself up in the atmosphere...

'So, there really is a Higgs Boson?'

"I never expected to collide into you!"

The composer of the 'Twelve Days of Christmas' song.

It happened on Christmas Eve

"Santa's trying to corner the futures market for coal in anticipation of his visit to Washington."

"I like the Easter Bunny - I find him less judgmental than Santa Claus."

" ... And the kids only like me for my presents."

Records Dept. Tell them I don't use my knowledge of who's naughty or nice to make political endorsements.

"The year may be over, but it'll be dragged back up on history tests for years to come."

"Repent, lest the axe of judgement fall upon thee."

"This weekend is seriously messing with some of my previously held beliefs."