Festive Legal Humorist Pillows

'Well, well, well -- seven hundred and fifty thousand counts of breaking and entering....'

Mrs. Claus has a ladies night out.

'How do you plead, in twenty-five words or less?'

"Judgement Day: Division Four"

"He's actually my co-counsel, but you may scratch his head."

"Oh dear, it's just as we suspected.. they do come from another planet."

Patent Attorney (invisible man)

'I'm the ghost of Christmas future. I'm hammered, can we do this later...?'

"Bailiff."

Little girl hoses down walkway as Santa slips and falls

Christmas Presents.

'This court finds you guilty Mr. Jones. As your punishment, the bailiff here will slug you one.'

"Objection, your honor, my client's feelings are being hurt."

"We make crime pay."

"Have you, or any of your acquaintances, ever been described as 'frolicsome'?"

'Can I sue someone because I didn't win my lawsuit?'

'Who says justice has to be the only thing on tap?'

"You'll note that the card isn't signed so my declaration of undying love isn't legally binding!"

"I must insist on my lawyer present."

"We're slapping you with a stress suit, pal!"

"Not guilty by reason of genetic determinism, Your Honor."

"The jury didn't buy my defense that CEOs just want to have fun."

A baby in court

"Before the defense rests, my client would like to read you a little sonnet he composed about his love for the jury."

Loopholes

'Your honor, I'd like a short recess so my client can make a run for it.'

Santa 'Freezing' Claus.

"Look, I tried to tell everyone Timmy was in the well but no, what do I know, I'm just a dog!"

Pre-nuptal Agreement.

The Scones-Monkey Trial. I, Judge Sadie, am prepared to rule. House of Java.net Cybercafe. Intelligent design versus evolution. Borrrinnng. That is my legal finding. Appeal. Will all bipeds please rise.

"Even if I did believe that he was communicating through you. I'm afraid it's too late to change the will now."

Snowman has twisted, wonky carrot nose: 'Apparently, it's organic.'

"The witness will confine his 'Knock knock' answers to 'Who's there?'"

'It was more than my finest hour, Paltrow. It was my finest billable hour.'

'I got a suspended sentence.'