Festive Jokes Gifts

"I don't think he believes I've been a good little boy. He told me to go home and go to my room."

SANTA'S WORKSHOP, 'About that breath of yours -- maybe you should consult the Tooth Fairy.'

Christmas in the Fish Bowl

"The eggnog fountain is a bad idea."

'Dang, again we're going so fast that we caused a disruption in the time-space continuum.'

Well... Tis the season to be jolly!

"And my client will be seeking significant damages for being mistakenly placed in the naughty column!"

Browned off cows. They can't pull a cracker.

'Looks like no Christmas bonus this year.'

'Maybe there is something in all this global warming stuff.'

'Kids like my presents, but do they really like me?'

"Do you feel your eyes have changed any since your last visit?" "No. They seem to be ho, ho, ho, holding their own."

"As you can see, I've learned the alphabet."

Cat Waits For Mouse To Come And Kiss Under The Mistletoe

'I get that reaction a lot.'

"We bring him gifts of gold, frankincense and mercantile mutual hedge fund options."

"We don't use good and bad lists anymore. Now we have stupid, really stupid and completely nuts lists."

"I like it here but if Santa doesn't get better WiFi I'm getting a new job."

Rudolph the brown-nosed reindeer.

Merry Sisyphus - Christmas pudding being pushed up a mountain.

'HO,HO,HO,WHY ARE YOU AFRAID OF SANTA CLAUS??!!'

'After you ask him for the pony, ask him to pay for your college education.'

"This year let's choose a Christmas card design that reflects the situation the country is in. Let's go for a design that says: Bah humbug!"

'I mind my mother, and I do my lessons, and I'm here for the quid pro quo.'

'You know when kids are good or bad? Are you with NSA?'

"Take a shower first. You smell like a chimney."

'Look! There's Santa!'

"Doesn't it seem like we just finished letting the air out of last year's tree?"

'One more thing -- My Dad says that if you bring me one more 'Alvin and the Chipmunks' tape, he'll rip off your beard and set fire to it.'

"I smell cranberries."

Be careful how you unwrap it I think it MIGHT be his stool sample!

"Can we have all of your candy, a dog biscuit and a smoke for my cat friend here?"

"Guess what the elves told me? The North Pole is made out of candy!"

It was brighter than most, and Biggins allowed himself a quiet smile as he contemplated the immense speeds involved as it burned itself up in the atmosphere...