Festive Grump Gifts

"All done with that holiday spirit for another year, are we dear?"

"Have you got anything for a miserable old codger who hates Christmas and everything to do with it."

'I'll have the crab cake, and he'll have the crabby cake.'

'I had my attorney draw this up. It states that if I choose to rise, I don't necessarily have to shine.'

Chritmas Party - "What in our own time?"

Broken Alarm Clock.

'Looks like no Christmas bonus this year.'

'Wait! That's not one of your novelty slippers...that's the cat!'

"He was a grouch when I met him. It was love at first gripe."

'Did you use mouthwash this morning?'

You have the worst spring breath.

"I know it's tough to get motivated on Mondays, but..."

'Next time you feel like keeping in touch, keep in touch with somebody else.'

'I hate surprises!'

'Misery is sleeping in late on Saturday morning then realizing it's only Wednesday...'

I am coffee and I need more coffee

"I much prefer the evening milking to the morning one: The farmer is not a "morning person", now is he?"

'This may be the only time I'll ever bring you breakfast in bed - So wake up!'

Buzz. Go away. Buzz buzz. I'm up! The alarm clock always wants it more than you do.

'Bonny, I've forgotten...What time is that 9 o'clock meeting tomorrow?...'

Mr. Cranky Pants Plants A Garden Part 2

'Still no Christmas card from the Pope? - We did send HIM once, didn't we?'

I'm going to hate myself in the morning, but I hate everything in the morning.

The morning show for people who HATE mornings

'If you get one who refuses to wake up, pour it in his lap.'

"Dang it."

Alarm clock.

"He just woke up from hibernation."

"I told the carol singers where to go in no uncertain terms, so that's saved us some money!"

"And a 'good morning' to you, too"

'Please don't say a word to me until my coffee gets right...about...here.

Time stood still – which made it an easy target.

'Sounds like someone got up on the wrong side of the bed this morning.' 'Ahhhhhh!'

"And to my brother, who I promised to mention in my will, 'Hi Grumpy'!"

'Honey, remind me why we switched to decaf.'