Jolly Grump Gifts

Christmas - Let's get it over with.

'I'll have the crab cake, and he'll have the crabby cake.'

'I had my attorney draw this up. It states that if I choose to rise, I don't necessarily have to shine.'

"Well, I'm thinking about boarding school. Though I'm not sure they accept adults."

Broken Alarm Clock.

'Looks like no Christmas bonus this year.'

'Wait! That's not one of your novelty slippers...that's the cat!'

'Did you use mouthwash this morning?'

"He was a grouch when I met him. It was love at first gripe."

"I know it's tough to get motivated on Mondays, but..."

'Next time you feel like keeping in touch, keep in touch with somebody else.'

'Misery is sleeping in late on Saturday morning then realizing it's only Wednesday...'

I am coffee and I need more coffee

"I much prefer the evening milking to the morning one: The farmer is not a "morning person", now is he?"

'This may be the only time I'll ever bring you breakfast in bed - So wake up!'

'Bonny, I've forgotten...What time is that 9 o'clock meeting tomorrow?...'

The morning show for people who HATE mornings

"Here! Drink your coffee... Honestly, you can be such a bear in the morning!"

'If you get one who refuses to wake up, pour it in his lap.'

I'm going to hate myself in the morning, but I hate everything in the morning.

"Dang it."

Alarm clock.

"I told the carol singers where to go in no uncertain terms, so that's saved us some money!"

"And a 'good morning' to you, too"

"Mummy's a bit grisly in the mornings. But after something to eat and a little nap, she's quite pleasant."

'Please don't say a word to me until my coffee gets right...about...here.

"He just woke up from hibernation."

Time stood still – which made it an easy target.

"And to my brother, who I promised to mention in my will, 'Hi Grumpy'!"

'Honey, remind me why we switched to decaf.'

Could you call back later? He doesn't even talk to me before 11am.