Professional Grump Gifts

So much to be cross about, so little time.

'Next time you feel like keeping in touch, keep in touch with somebody else.'

'I'll have the crab cake, and he'll have the crabby cake.'

'I had my attorney draw this up. It states that if I choose to rise, I don't necessarily have to shine.'

'Looks like no Christmas bonus this year.'

'Wait! That's not one of your novelty slippers...that's the cat!'

Broken Alarm Clock.

"He was a grouch when I met him. It was love at first gripe."

'Did you use mouthwash this morning?'

"I know it's tough to get motivated on Mondays, but..."

'Why am I such a grouch?'

"Wait, I've got sand in my shoe."

'Misery is sleeping in late on Saturday morning then realizing it's only Wednesday...'

I am coffee and I need more coffee

"I much prefer the evening milking to the morning one: The farmer is not a "morning person", now is he?"

'This may be the only time I'll ever bring you breakfast in bed - So wake up!'

'Bonny, I've forgotten...What time is that 9 o'clock meeting tomorrow?...'

The morning show for people who HATE mornings

'If you get one who refuses to wake up, pour it in his lap.'

I'm going to hate myself in the morning, but I hate everything in the morning.

'Cheer up...'

"Dang it."

Alarm clock.

At the Irritable Bowel Syndrome Convention.

"He just woke up from hibernation."

Middle age means a constant struggle not to be irritated by everyone and everything.

'Please don't say a word to me until my coffee gets right...about...here.

"Mummy's a bit grisly in the mornings. But after something to eat and a little nap, she's quite pleasant."

"And a 'good morning' to you, too"

Time stood still – which made it an easy target.

"And to my brother, who I promised to mention in my will, 'Hi Grumpy'!"

'Honey, remind me why we switched to decaf.'