Professional Grump Gifts

So much to be cross about, so little time.

'Next time you feel like keeping in touch, keep in touch with somebody else.'

'I'll have the crab cake, and he'll have the crabby cake.'

'I had my attorney draw this up. It states that if I choose to rise, I don't necessarily have to shine.'

Broken Alarm Clock.

'Looks like no Christmas bonus this year.'

'Wait! That's not one of your novelty slippers...that's the cat!'

"He was a grouch when I met him. It was love at first gripe."

'Did you use mouthwash this morning?'

You have the worst spring breath.

"I know it's tough to get motivated on Mondays, but..."

"Wait, I've got sand in my shoe."

'Why am I such a grouch?'

'Misery is sleeping in late on Saturday morning then realizing it's only Wednesday...'

'I hate surprises!'

I am coffee and I need more coffee

"I much prefer the evening milking to the morning one: The farmer is not a "morning person", now is he?"

'This may be the only time I'll ever bring you breakfast in bed - So wake up!'

Buzz. Go away. Buzz buzz. I'm up! The alarm clock always wants it more than you do.

'Bonny, I've forgotten...What time is that 9 o'clock meeting tomorrow?...'

I'm going to hate myself in the morning, but I hate everything in the morning.

The morning show for people who HATE mornings

'If you get one who refuses to wake up, pour it in his lap.'

'Cheer up...'

"Dang it."

Alarm clock.

"He just woke up from hibernation."

Middle age means a constant struggle not to be irritated by everyone and everything.

Actual reader mail. Dear Dr. Sadie, Bless you Doctor. I wrote you back last July and asked you if I could expand my grumpiness beyond getting up in the morning. I took your wonderful advice and now there isn't a neighbor, fellow employee or friend that's not fed up with me. You have given me a new existence and once I get out of this lousy jail I'll let the rest of the world know just how annoying I am. I owe it all to you, Sadie. If you ever need a testimonial, call me. Signed, An ol' stick in

"And a 'good morning' to you, too"

"Mummy's a bit grisly in the mornings. But after something to eat and a little nap, she's quite pleasant."

Time stood still – which made it an easy target.

At the Irritable Bowel Syndrome Convention.

'Please don't say a word to me until my coffee gets right...about...here.

'Sounds like someone got up on the wrong side of the bed this morning.' 'Ahhhhhh!'