Gaming Grump Gifts

'It's like a penalty shoot-out, only when it's my turn the ball morphs into a balloon!'

'I had my attorney draw this up. It states that if I choose to rise, I don't necessarily have to shine.'

'I'll have the crab cake, and he'll have the crabby cake.'

Sign on desk reads: 'Thanks for not wishing me a nice day.'

'Wait! That's not one of your novelty slippers...that's the cat!'

'Looks like no Christmas bonus this year.'

Broken Alarm Clock.

"He was a grouch when I met him. It was love at first gripe."

'Did you use mouthwash this morning?'

You have the worst spring breath.

"There has been a sharp increase in his cantankerousness."

"I know it's tough to get motivated on Mondays, but..."

'Why am I such a grouch?'

Mood swings: Swing 1 - 'Looks like it's going to be another wonderful day!' Swing 2 - 'Who CARES link brain! I hope it rains acid!!' Swing 3 - 'I think i'm going to CRRRY!'

'Next time you feel like keeping in touch, keep in touch with somebody else.'

"Wait, I've got sand in my shoe."

'You're so nice and friendly that I've got nothing to moan about. That's a bit of cheek!'

'Misery is sleeping in late on Saturday morning then realizing it's only Wednesday...'

'I hate surprises!'

I am coffee and I need more coffee

Grumpy old merry men.

'This may be the only time I'll ever bring you breakfast in bed - So wake up!'

"I much prefer the evening milking to the morning one: The farmer is not a "morning person", now is he?"

Buzz. Go away. Buzz buzz. I'm up! The alarm clock always wants it more than you do.

'I try to avoid the trap of letting my idleness define me.'

'Bonny, I've forgotten...What time is that 9 o'clock meeting tomorrow?...'

'Cheer up...'

Grumpy Old Men

The morning show for people who HATE mornings

'If you get one who refuses to wake up, pour it in his lap.'

I'm going to hate myself in the morning, but I hate everything in the morning.

"Dang it."

Alarm clock.

'Self-help books for cynics'

Actual reader mail. Dear Dr. Sadie, Bless you Doctor. I wrote you back last July and asked you if I could expand my grumpiness beyond getting up in the morning. I took your wonderful advice and now there isn't a neighbor, fellow employee or friend that's not fed up with me. You have given me a new existence and once I get out of this lousy jail I'll let the rest of the world know just how annoying I am. I owe it all to you, Sadie. If you ever need a testimonial, call me. Signed, An ol' stick in