Festive Cook Gifts

Turkey Autopsy

"Do these turkeys get any bigger?" "No madam, they're dead."

Making Christmas Pudding.

Night of the Latkes

Frozen Turkey: "I hate to bother you on a holiday but I'm freezing out here. Do you have a heated enclosed space I could rest inside for four to five hours?"

Halloween may be a little different this year.

'All those vegetables Mom's been feeding me finally paid off. I'm a squash.'

Get your no-turkey recipes here! Eco club. Go veggie for T-day! No thanks! I like turkey, sausage, stuffing, creamed onions with bacon and mincemeat pie. I figured as much. How can you tell? Gut check. That's my gut reaction, too.

'Thanksgiving's no holiday for turkeys or the women who cook them.'

Panettone

'But, Mom. Think of all the leftovers he can thankfully eliminate.'

It's beginning to smell a lot like Christmas

"Anything but milk and cookies."

"I don’t know, Margaret. She looks like the type who makes exotic stuffings."

'I hope you all like stuffing.'

"I hear you helped make the stuffing. I like raisins."

"Pepperoni pizza is my favorite! Ah, Billy, you little suck up!"

'Bye dear! I'll have another nice reindeer steak ready for you when you get back.'

'We can always cook it one half at a time.'

"Call me selfish if you want, but I have no issue with spoiling the farmer's Christmas lunch: I'm out of here..."

Christmas Drinks 'n' Nibbles System

Twas the week before Christmas and all thru the house

"Actually, it wasn't so bad. One minute I was standing in line at the slaughterhouse...The next thing I knew, I was being basted in my own juices..."

The great bit pie chart of holiday season dining.

"When it comes to turkeys, Mom, you sure know your stuff-ing."

'One of my relatives is coming to Thanksgiving dinner...and one of yours.'

"The spare sack? After a million warm beers and pieces of fruit cake...you'd have a spare sack too!"

"Our seasonal special is spiced pumpkin apple butternut squash ale. Would you like that in a frosted mug or over ice cream?"

Happy St Pancakes Day

"Honey, I love celebrating Christmas! I love all the food, the sweets, the Christmas tree and the presents, but our bank account hates Christmas!"

'That'll be all the mince pies and sherry!'

"The holiday roast has yams, petters, carrots, pumpkin, parsnips, and tomato. What shall we call it?"

'After a Gadzillon glasses of milk and cookies who wouldn't have an upset stomach?'

Hot food cafe open every day except Christmas Day.

With all that Christmas baking left, that's a bad thing...(egg prices soar).