Fence Conversationalist Gifts

'Dog got your clog?'

'Yak, yak, yak.'

"I disagree — I think humans are funny."

Pet Shop - Parrot labeled as 'Good Listener'

"Oui, c'est bon. It is, how you Americans say, 'Magically Delicious'."

"Do you mind if I bounce something off you?"

'Oh, Olivia, I just love your new caption! Where on earth did you find it?'

Philosopher's pub with 24 hour thinking.

"I devote most of my time to defending the bastions of culture."

"Every single day, guys ask you for advice about women, work, sports... Haven't you ever even heard of the law of supply and demand?. . .I'd be glad to steer the downtrodden and the forlorn your way for a mere 82% of the man-to-man-talk fee."

"Frankly, I just want to talk about how great I am non-stop and uninterrupted for 50 minutes every week on a long term basis."

"I don't mind emotional trauma if I can turn it into a really funny anecdote."

Greek in gallery with Greek statues

Revenge is a dish best served cold.

'...can you tell me how to blame Obama for all that?'

"Have you ever actually seen a chicken cross the road?"

Student: 'Is the medical marijuana thing a grass-roots movement?'

'It's funny - I'm a Bourbon, but I've always preferred Scotch.'

'I've found taking a sip of another table's wine is an effective conversation starter.'

A lesson in wit

"Don't worry, Jules. It'll come up on your side of the house in just 12 hours."

"It was a slow day - my pedometer says I only put in 1, 273, 426 steps."

'He hacked it off because the women in his weekly painting group never stopped gassing!'

'Back in 1956 you were the youngest Briton to cover the Hungarian uprising. You are presently writing your memoirs in Sardinia. First question: how do you feel about the sorry state the London Underground is in?'

'Dang it! The gals out here leave little to a feller's imagination.'

'The secret is to invite good talkers and good listeners and a good laugh track.'

'No idea. He's been there for as long as I can remember.'

'But enough about me...Let's talk about you!'

Bla Bla Bla

'He was too chatty. I don't like small talk. Too much gibber, not enough jabber.'

'...and in my opinion the whole world's gone barmy.'

"Mother, take your time, I know this isn’t easy for you. But this is an important moment in our lives, so I will ask you one more time, what on earth did you do with my old comic books?!"

"She's a great networker. One drink and she's on schmooze control."

"I just wanted you to hear it from me first, before you read it in the sky."

'How are you keeping?'