Female Relatives Gifts

Shmutz

"We found the poor thing stranded on the beach last summer and decided to adopt it."

"My granddaughter's first words to me were 'OK, Boomer.' I have no idea what that even means."

"Can I borrow the car keys?"

"... and I have a follow-up question regarding rawhide."

"Have you been on the moon again, young man?"

Knock on the door - dog stands up and shouts 'Beat it!'

If you bathe a skunk in tomato juice, it will smell like a dog. A bird in the hand is better than two in your shorts. Never wear aqua after Thanksgiving. Unconventional wisdom.

"Frankly, now that he's an obnoxious teenager, I find it more and more difficult to muster the urge to protect him..."

Men find this shampoo irresistible. It's called 'Gee, Your Hair Smells Like A New Car'.

Cry babies.

'Well, it's your fault for wearing my slippers.'

"I think the most rewarding part of caring for elderly parents is when they call you because they don't want to bother the 9-1-1 people."

"I'd like the garden salad with the blue cheese dressing, and my mother would like me married by age thirty."

'..and we thank thee for these bio-engineered vegetables..'

A baby duck in a tiny car seat on the mother duck's back.

"Couldn't you have just laughed instead of spelling 'LOL' in your alphabet soup?"

"Studies show that children of immigrants are more likely to to take advanced math and science courses and more likely to take advanced placement tests in preparation for college."

Licensed Therapist

'Ahhh...'

The Baby Walker

"These are the very weapons your mother and I used in our famous duel."

"Look Mommy, hat!"

"There was no other choice, Mom. It was a double dog dare."

'She's a very protectice mother!' - Lifeguard at Christening/Baptism.

My First Camera

"I'm sorry, Ms. Cole is busy balancing family and career. Can I take a message and have her call you back?"

"The water changes them back into babies. I think they call it the Fountain of Youth."

DO Not Disturb (Except For Meals)

'Honey, where's my cell phone?'

Pregnant lady being greeted by foetus.

Impressing dad.

'They don't understand goo-goo-gah-gah. Dumb it down to WHAAAAAH!'

"You mustn't pull the cat's tail so hard it tugs the head inside, sweetie!"

Mom! Don't call me abominadorable in front of my friends!