Female Cousin Gifts

Men find this shampoo irresistible. It's called 'Gee, Your Hair Smells Like A New Car'.

"All the good ones are either married, gay or Viggo Mortensen."

"Lassie, go get help!" "Oh Timmy you idiot! Not again!"

"My granddaughter's first words to me were 'OK, Boomer.' I have no idea what that even means."

"Being raised in the city, Fred didn’t quite grasp the true purpose of a game camera."

Joey discovers the difference between coffee beans and jelly beans.

"Tell me about this fear of couches."

'I'm reading aloud, Jeremy - My lips are SUPPOSED to be moving!'

Larry's used art

"Her first word was 'paparazzi'. "

Glastonbury. After.

Skipping Horse

Computer Room.

'Medical school's been more challenging since the cadavers turned into zombies.'

"Go ahead and eat her, she's a pain in the a**."

"Is he talking yet? I was hoping he could help me with my new phone."

"I've always dreamed of being on an academic team like this! It's great that we can all depend on each other!"

'Please tell me you're baby sitting?'

"I will not lick the principal, I will not lick the principal, I will not lick the principal, I will not lick the principal, I will not lick the principal."

'My reading comprehension is so-so, but I do make up for it with my highlighting skills.'

'The BOSS sent me down to help rebuild your faith.'

'The creative process works best with a relaxed brain, so I'm letting my mind wander to let a solution drift in.'

I will study my speling words...

"Just another 50 decibels on your grunt and we can start to think about letting you hit a few balls!"

'Well, now that I know he's the owner's son, yes, he's the best damned wine steward I've ever seen.'

'It's good - but it's not digital quality.'

"How long will we, the descendants of wolves, be content with table scraps and belly rubs?"

"Actually, I'm hoping what I'm going to be when I grow up hasn't been invented yet."

"There's smart phones and smart cars, so why can't there be smart rooms that clean themselves?"

"I still haven't decided if I want to be unemployed as an English major or as a Communications major."

Burning the midnight oil.

"What I do is pick up the morning paper, go through it carefully, and then, depending on how I feel about things, I either say the Pledge of Allegiance, stand there and do nothing, or walk out of the classroom."

T"ruly, Susan, I envy no man."

"Oh, no - Karen baked a cake so dense that not even light can escape."

'Fine stencilling. But have you never thought - Tit Willow, Tit Willow, Tit Willow?'