Feline Humor Lover Pillows

"What the hell was I supposed to do? I've been declawed!"

"So how's retirement treating ya, Louie?"

"Helen, hold all my calls while I mindlessly race around my office for 10 minutes."

'It's true that sensitive documents were destroyed, but only because I needed to sharpen my claws.'

"The painting and pillows were his idea. The scratches were mine."

"There HAS to be a giant ball at the end of all this string."

Dog on a Shelf.

'What? I'm scratching the sofa! I'm not! And if I was? It's your fault!'

"Oo, I get to write a memo! I'm excited! I'm excited!"

"I'm not kidding: I am feline too and I do love swimming!"

"GPS? In case we get lost? Why would we need that? We're microchipped."

"Would you say the pain is more like a me-ow or a me-ouch?"

Cat on a psychiatrist's couch: 'Truth is, I'm not really a cat person.'

"Keep your guard up. We're entering big-cat country."

"You do realise that you are not the only client scheduled this morning?"

'Found your problem - there was a hairball in the gasline.'

'You know, if you cleaned the litter box more often, you wouldn't have to wear the hazmat suit.'

Great mouser!

Cat eyes up cocktail olive.

"Oooh, look — a penny!"

"I don't think he's wearing that snorkel because he wants to swim with us. Especially, since it's lunch time."

'I know how you love empty boxes.'

"He expects us to climbdown first."

Kitty Litter

'Can you believe people actually believe this is a litter box?'

Cat Emojis

"Dear Diary, finished reading the novel, got a bit of weeding done, had 'The Big Conversation' with the wife… HA! Just kidding. Slept."

"Like heck I'm doing downward dog."

"Oops, sorry new guy, I guess I forgot to mention he's not a morning person..."

'Overslept? You're a cat. How could you possibly oversleep?'

Uses of a Dead Cat in History: Benjamin Franklin Kite Flying

'What are you trying to say, Alan?'

"If you fits, you sits!"

Cat hangs Christmas stockings.