Feline Conversationalist Pillows

"Wow! With this new device, now I can finally hear what you're thinking!"

"There's really not much to obedience school. Just listen up and do what they say."

"For the girls—Kimberly, Caitlin, Lauren, Cindy, and Tracy. For the boys—Cameron, Christopher, Adam, Jeffrey, and Gregory."

"When I first arrived, Young Master was always with me and Old Master didn't want anything to do with me, nor it's the opposite: Go figure..."

"Ever feel like even when you're barking at something you're still barking at nothing?"

"Sorry I'm late. I overslept." "Is that even a real word?"

"Oh, wow! Is that stunning or what?" "Mid-century classic. Should be in a museum. Let's pee on it." "Totally."

"I've told you why I need a dog. Now suppose you tell me what makes you think you might be that dog."

"Hello? Is that the canine help line?...."

"I've never had a bird's eye view of anything."

"This may surprise some of your viewers, but I didn't actually want to go into the box."

"The painting and pillows were his idea. The scratches were mine."

"Do you think the birds like me?"

"There HAS to be a giant ball at the end of all this string."

"Defense budget... Do you have any idea how much catnip $700 billion would buy?"

"Are you happy with your current ball?"

"Let's see now: All dogs have four legs. I have four legs. Therefore, I am a dog."

"Then he suggested we go to a leash optional beach."

"Why do people talk about a rat's nest like it's a bad thing?"

"When I get to heaven do you think I'll get my testicles back?"

"I just don't get it, they don't do it themselves, so why do they insist on us sitting before crossing the road?"

"If you could live your life all over again, what dead animals would you roll in?"

'...and notice how they like playing with string.'

"I'm not a mad dog. But I'm not particularly happy either."

"GPS? In case we get lost? Why would we need that? We're microchipped."

'I don't care how smart you think you are, you're still a bird brain.'

If dogs were psychiatrists.

"The way I see it, microchipping is an invasion of our privacy!"

Cat on a psychiatrist's couch: 'Truth is, I'm not really a cat person.'

"I can remember when he used to try to tell us things."

"Really? Everyone we hang out with we also met through our puppies."

"I'm expected for dinner around seven. Other than that I'm completely free."

"... and the fact that I ain't never caught a rabbit should have no bearing on our friendship."

Dog and man on couch

"I'd love to stay and chat but I just heard a silent dog whistle."