Quirky Pet Conversationalist Pillows

"Is your regret that there were three of them or that they were blind?"

"Yes, I'm from London. 'Which part?' you ask. Well all of me!"

'Fetch.'

"There's really not much to obedience school. Just listen up and do what they say."

"For the girls—Kimberly, Caitlin, Lauren, Cindy, and Tracy. For the boys—Cameron, Christopher, Adam, Jeffrey, and Gregory."

Biofelineism

"Will you be taking these home or chewing them right here?"

"When I first arrived, Young Master was always with me and Old Master didn't want anything to do with me, nor it's the opposite: Go figure..."

"Ever feel like even when you're barking at something you're still barking at nothing?"

"I offer emotional support and companionship for those with PTSD." "I detect cancer and other human diseases by scent detection." "I squeak-fart when startled."

"I'm not sure if we're named after passwords or vice versa."

While old, sick, and weak animals remained targets, the lions most enjoyed culling the herd of its sarcastic teenagers.

"To be honest, I don't mind the cold, and being an introvert, and slightly antisocial, I really treasure the quiet time when the others have flown south..."

"Sorry I'm late. I overslept." "Is that even a real word?"

"I've told you why I need a dog. Now suppose you tell me what makes you think you might be that dog."

"Hello? Is that the canine help line?...."

Pet psychic -- yup, she's for real.

"Happy anniversary, dear… 'happy wife, happy life!'" "That's because nothing rhymes with 'happy husband.'"

Bob's Marriage Advice: 'Geez, Bob. . . Now you're equating both marriage living in Florida to death?!!. . .Ah. . . so the restraining order by Disneyworld is still in effect?'

Cat Show

"I've never had a bird's eye view of anything."

"This may surprise some of your viewers, but I didn't actually want to go into the box."

'You're doing that just to bug me, aren't you?'

'I don't understand: I lick the plates clean, but Mistress still puts them in the dishwasher afterwards...'

My wife's been talking to the skin I shed for over an hour.

"Do you think the birds like me?"

"He ate homework as a puppy but quickly moved onto business journals."

"Defense budget... Do you have any idea how much catnip $700 billion would buy?"

"Are you happy with your current ball?"

"And I never kiss in the first two seconds."

Lady taking her Cochin chickens for a walk.

"Then he suggested we go to a leash optional beach."

"I'd love to go out with you. Do I have to have time to change."

Shrewsbury - pronunciation

"Another slander suit!"