Feline Comedian Fans Pillows

"She's all over YouTube."

"The painting and pillows were his idea. The scratches were mine."

"I now what you've come to expect from me is physical comedy, but tonight I thought we'd try something a little different."

"There HAS to be a giant ball at the end of all this string."

"Projectile hairballing."

"I didn't really start applying myself seriously until around the eighth life."

'What? I'm scratching the sofa! I'm not! And if I was? It's your fault!'

Hell No Kitty

"Get out here Phil! The outside ideas are far better than the inside ones were!"

"GPS? In case we get lost? Why would we need that? We're microchipped."

Cat Lover's Leap.

"Would you say the pain is more like a me-ow or a me-ouch?"

Cat on a psychiatrist's couch: 'Truth is, I'm not really a cat person.'

'I am unable to find the words to respond to that.'

"That's the pill I gave the cat this afternoon!"

Great mouser!

"It's such a pleasure to meet you - you look even sleepier in person than you do on YouTube."

'It all started when she started playing with the ball of yarn.'

"Oooh, look — a penny!"

"Are you going to finish that? I'm auditioning for a 'That Cat Is Too Damn Fat' video."

Cat eyes up cocktail olive.

'Yes, I did watch three pay-per-view movies while you were gone. Just how long did you expect a ball of yarn to entertain me?'

'If I act selfish, independent and introverted, it's because I'm a cat trapped in a dog's body.'

Kitty Litter

"Like heck I'm doing downward dog."

Uses of a Dead Cat in History: Air Craft Carrier

"Dear Diary, finished reading the novel, got a bit of weeding done, had 'The Big Conversation' with the wife… HA! Just kidding. Slept."

"I'm looking for someone who werjt23609ui45y7ijopgreop[yt thinks it's cute that cat ran across the keys and I left it in."

"If they don't leave soon, I'll have to keep ignoring them."

'Ralph asked me to marry him, Pookie, but I told him I'd have to talk to you before I could give him an answer.'

"He expects us to climbdown first."

'Can you believe people actually believe this is a litter box?'

'What are you trying to say, Alan?'

"Everything on the menu is locally sourced."

"If you fits, you sits!"