Feline Alibi Funniest Pillows

'Look, no matter what happens, if anybody asks, I was here with you the whole night.'

Cat Heaven vs Mouse Hell.

'I foresee a few more months of creating havoc without consequences, and then, yes, I see the 'cute' factor will start to wear thin...'

"The painting and pillows were his idea. The scratches were mine."

"She's all over YouTube."

"There HAS to be a giant ball at the end of all this string."

"Projectile hairballing."

"I'm not kidding: I am feline too and I do love swimming!"

"GPS? In case we get lost? Why would we need that? We're microchipped."

"Would you say the pain is more like a me-ow or a me-ouch?"

Cat on a psychiatrist's couch: 'Truth is, I'm not really a cat person.'

"After she ran that clip of me getting a bath,... I posted this one of her stepping out of the shower."

Assignments Due. The Russians hacked my homework.

Great mouser!

You're lucky - I wish mine was such a picky eater.

'…and remember, son - every now and then, refuse to eat your dinner no matter how good it looks or how hungry you are. It drives the dumb humans crazy!'

'I knew I should have used mistletoe instead of catnip.'

'Who are you and what do you want?'

"Are you going to finish that? I'm auditioning for a 'That Cat Is Too Damn Fat' video."

"Oooh, look — a penny!"

Cat eyes up cocktail olive.

"I don't think he's wearing that snorkel because he wants to swim with us. Especially, since it's lunch time."

"What I want to eat? That's easy. Anything you don't have."

How to Feign Affection To Get Your Way.

"Dear Diary, finished reading the novel, got a bit of weeding done, had 'The Big Conversation' with the wife… HA! Just kidding. Slept."

"Like heck I'm doing downward dog."

Kitty Litter

'Can you believe people actually believe this is a litter box?'

'What are you trying to say, Alan?'

"This place is still warm from the dryer and centrally located near several mouse holes."

'Something tells me Master is trying to teach us a lesson and we should stop eating his goldfish...'

How Grandma's cat cleans those hard to reach places.

"If you fits, you sits!"

"'Meow' and 'Purr'? It isn't clever and it isn't funny."

'It's true that sensitive documents were destroyed, but only because I needed to sharpen my claws.'