Feeling Jaded In Job Gifts

"If you still want to belong to an organization dedicated to killing Americans, there's always the tobacco lobby."

"I'm feeling completely wiped out."

I figured out how we can pay for the kids' college tuitions. Do tell. I'm going to leave for a year of self-discovery, which I will chronicle in a best-selling memoir. Oh, but

Sick

'I don't know how much more of this I can take!'

"The camera is mounted on your desk for a reason. There's been some paperclips missing, and we think you're the culprit."

'The good news is we're not laying you off. The bad news is we want you to take a 20-year lunch break without pay.'

"To be honest the culture sucks, but the pay is amazing."

'I used to be an accountant but I found it too depressing.'

I can read this audit, but HOW should I read it...What is my MOTIVATION, how do I bring these figures to life,make them sing!... Colin often wondered whether accountancy had been the right career choice for him

Still Here

"We liken our business to a nursery Smithers. Unfortunately, we see you as more of a ground cover than a climber."

'Another day another dollar Maurice, but boy do I hate kids!'

'Thank you for calling Tech Support. Your computer is one month old. We no longer support that model. Good day.'

"In five years, I see myself with the same job title, about the same salary, and significantly more responsibilities."

"She's always like this at this time of the month,short tempered, insecure,anxious,questioning why she does the job!" "PMT?" "Wageslip!"

'I started out as one of the good guys but I hated it.'

"Instead of a holiday party, the boss gave us a coupon for a burger at the drive-thru."

"Honey, can you bring me a drink? I had the worst day. That promotion I was telling you about? They gave it to a mallard. Can you believe it? A mallard!"

I don't see a future for me in my present job. They don't reward mediocrity.

Born Cynical,,,,

I was found guilty, eight of the jury were my ex-wives.

"No, my list of productivity enhancements doesn't include `leave for another company'."

'Don't think of yourself as a tiny cog in a huge machine.'

'Here at A.T.G. Inc, we recognize hard work... and maybe someday we'll reward it.'

"I once looked for meaning from my work. Now all I want is a decent cup of coffee."

'We can't promote you to partner, but I will teach you our secret handshake.'

Fun with Underemployment

"Have you ever considered that you haven't been promoted because you're and idiot?"

"It's only by cultivating a deep mutual trusting relationship with clients that you'll get the chance to shaft them more than once!"

"As your new MP I promise to always tell you the truth. My campaign was a tissue of lies."

The Career Cowboy

"*One more thing, no doubt."

'I stood up to be counted today, and they told me to take a number.'

Insecurity Guards