Fbi Agents Gifts

"Let me in to look around. Just this one time and I'll never bother you again..."

"Somehow or other he keeps spotting us!"

James Comey, Superstar

'Have we found a scandal in here?'

"I need names and credit card receipts for everyone who bought Chicken Soup for the Terrorist's Soul."

'We subpoenaed all of 'Mr. Big's' electronic messages. They're in morse code.'

'What I don't understand is how all three of us managed to get the figures wrong!'

The Anti-Agent

'What do you want first - The bad news or the even badder news?'

UK border controls relaxed.

"One more time, Mr Claus - who sold you the data?"

'Taxes are going up, but that's no excuse to earn less, Mr. Syms.'

"I'll have the Investigator's Special."

CIA, 'Confound it, Ruggles -- we're SUPPOSED to be worrywarts'

'We're looking for somebody to work on our new top secret project. Can you tell me what kind of experience you have?'

'As the government sees it, the U.S. budget would be fine if more deficit earners like you, Mr. Wald, go on the ball!'

"With the fortune we have spent in technology, informers and spies around the world, how is it possible that you still haven't found where the heck is Wally?"

"For this job, we require someone with excellent multi-taxing skills."

"I can't imagine how things could get any worse."

'Due to recent staff cut-backs and consolidations, I'll be handling your death AND your taxes this year!'

"You may think the government is a big 'Giveaway' program, but you can't deduct your tax as a charitable contribution."

"Hacking and eavesdropping are my top skills. I guess you could say I'm a good listener."

-'Okay Rebel, find the drugs.' -'Are you kidding? There's dirty underwear here!'

National Liberty and Tax Codes.

"I think they may have rumbled me, Sarge."

'Watch what you admit to. He once tried to fine one of my clients for looking a gift horse in the mouth.'

You want an extension? Good heavens, man, we haven't even paid for Reagans boondoggles yet!

IRS, 'It might make you feel better if you just think of it as a negative entitlement.'

Expanded Limited Investigation

Tax Collector

"Goodness, grandma. What big deposits you made in offshore accounts without declaring it."

"Well, if it's a fairy story you want, here's a good one that arrived at the office today."

"I'm curious about your dependent children, Scamp, Flop, and Spunky."

"Apparently we have an informant in our midst."

'Oh great, now I have to render unto Caesar, too.'