Fbi Agents Pillows

"Somehow or other he keeps spotting us!"

'Have we found a scandal in here?'

"I need names and credit card receipts for everyone who bought Chicken Soup for the Terrorist's Soul."

'We subpoenaed all of 'Mr. Big's' electronic messages. They're in morse code.'

'What I don't understand is how all three of us managed to get the figures wrong!'

The Anti-Agent

'What do you want first - The bad news or the even badder news?'

UK border controls relaxed.

"I'll have the Investigator's Special."

'Taxes are going up, but that's no excuse to earn less, Mr. Syms.'

'We're looking for somebody to work on our new top secret project. Can you tell me what kind of experience you have?'

CIA, 'Confound it, Ruggles -- we're SUPPOSED to be worrywarts'

'As the government sees it, the U.S. budget would be fine if more deficit earners like you, Mr. Wald, go on the ball!'

"For this job, we require someone with excellent multi-taxing skills."

"With the fortune we have spent in technology, informers and spies around the world, how is it possible that you still haven't found where the heck is Wally?"

"I can't imagine how things could get any worse."

'Due to recent staff cut-backs and consolidations, I'll be handling your death AND your taxes this year!'

"Hacking and eavesdropping are my top skills. I guess you could say I'm a good listener."

"You may think the government is a big 'Giveaway' program, but you can't deduct your tax as a charitable contribution."

-'Okay Rebel, find the drugs.' -'Are you kidding? There's dirty underwear here!'

"Wear a wire? Oh, no, all of our police informants have gone wireless."

"I'm curious about your dependent children, Scamp, Flop, and Spunky."

"Well, if it's a fairy story you want, here's a good one that arrived at the office today."

'Oh great, now I have to render unto Caesar, too.'

Tax Collector

IRS agent to professor scrutinizing tax return under microscope: 'Still looking for that tax loophole, professor?'

'Watch what you admit to. He once tried to fine one of my clients for looking a gift horse in the mouth.'

"Apparently we have an informant in our midst."

IRS, 'It might make you feel better if you just think of it as a negative entitlement.'

You want an extension? Good heavens, man, we haven't even paid for Reagans boondoggles yet!

National Liberty and Tax Codes.

"You can't be serious about all these travel expenses in December!"

'Okay... now everyone smile and say: 'that;s not deductible'.'

"If that income is personal, why do I have to tell you about it"?

'Under new business, is anyone wearing a wire?'