Faux Pas Forgiver Pillows

'Admit it - you've been worried since you were flashed by that speed camera...'

Two women wearing identical dresses head toward exchange window at department store.

'Half-baked beans, low fat variety' "Who says we have no taste?"

The Return Of The Minipants

'Remember that outfit, Miss Wilson, that you said you wouldn't be seen dead wearing?'

"Eddie, what were you thinking? Either wear boots or go barefoot."

"Yes, dear. I'm pretty sure it's 'granny panties on the inside, pants on the outside.'"

"Pardon my glove."

Fifty Gallon Head.

'Excuse me, would you mind...?'

'I'm Barack Obama and I approve this message.'

'Some things are better left unsaid but I never know what they are until after I've said them.'

"What? I slept seven months."

"It's an important interview, so you probably shouldn't wear a necktie that contains more material than your suit."

"Take my advice—never let anybody talk you into joining the Tie-of-the-Month Club."

'George has us well diversified. We own every stock in the Misfortune 500.'

Expert examining painting: "Ladies and gentlemen, I'm afraid it's a fake."

"I couldn't find my other wig."

"But Reinhardt, you have another week and a half left of your vacation.""I had to come back, chief. They laughed at my black socks on Nantucket."

"You've got the job, but you've got to change your clothes."

'My God, Edward †not a tweed BATHING SUIT!'

"I feel so silly. I got dressed in the dark and it was the first thing I grabbed."

'Every year, I make a New Year's resolution, but I never stick to it, and it's embarrassing when people ask me about it...this year I'm just going to lie through my teeth when people ask.'

Cargo briefs

"Dad."

"That'll be twenty even—ten for the wine and a ten-dollar tax on the hapless sweater."

'Whoever said 'dressed to kill' hasn't seen your average murderer.'

'Oh, so when you said wear a...Ok, now I get it.'

'Well he said my outfit clashed, and dang if it didn't get me sorta hot. Although in retrospect, I can see what he meant.'

'You are a fool...I said 'Why don't you wear a BANDANA!'

"That's not 'smart casual'."

"For the hundredth time, you snip a lose thread you don't pull it."

A Hint for Tailors - The British Abroad

'Your mother's bound to be upset. How was I to know we'd both be wearing the same outfit?'

Fake Santas