Faux Pas Forgiver Pillows

'Admit it - you've been worried since you were flashed by that speed camera...'

Two women wearing identical dresses head toward exchange window at department store.

'Half-baked beans, low fat variety' "Who says we have no taste?"

'Remember that outfit, Miss Wilson, that you said you wouldn't be seen dead wearing?'

The Return Of The Minipants

"Pardon my glove."

"Eddie, what were you thinking? Either wear boots or go barefoot."

"Yes, dear. I'm pretty sure it's 'granny panties on the inside, pants on the outside.'"

'Excuse me, would you mind...?'

Fifty Gallon Head.

'I'm Barack Obama and I approve this message.'

'Some things are better left unsaid but I never know what they are until after I've said them.'

'George has us well diversified. We own every stock in the Misfortune 500.'

"It's an important interview, so you probably shouldn't wear a necktie that contains more material than your suit."

"What? I slept seven months."

"Take my advice—never let anybody talk you into joining the Tie-of-the-Month Club."

Man wearing t-shirt with "As seen" slogan

Expert examining painting: "Ladies and gentlemen, I'm afraid it's a fake."

"But Reinhardt, you have another week and a half left of your vacation.""I had to come back, chief. They laughed at my black socks on Nantucket."

"I couldn't find my other wig."

"You've got the job, but you've got to change your clothes."

"That's not 'smart casual'."

"I feel so silly. I got dressed in the dark and it was the first thing I grabbed."

"That'll be twenty even—ten for the wine and a ten-dollar tax on the hapless sweater."

'My God, Edward †not a tweed BATHING SUIT!'

"Dad."

Cargo briefs

'Whoever said 'dressed to kill' hasn't seen your average murderer.'

'Oh, so when you said wear a...Ok, now I get it.'

'You are a fool...I said 'Why don't you wear a BANDANA!'

'Every year, I make a New Year's resolution, but I never stick to it, and it's embarrassing when people ask me about it...this year I'm just going to lie through my teeth when people ask.'

'Well he said my outfit clashed, and dang if it didn't get me sorta hot. Although in retrospect, I can see what he meant.'

A Hint for Tailors - The British Abroad

"For the hundredth time, you snip a lose thread you don't pull it."

'Your mother's bound to be upset. How was I to know we'd both be wearing the same outfit?'