Faux Pas Fanatic Pillows

"Next time, finish your tea before turning over the cup to check-out the mark."

'Half-baked beans, low fat variety' "Who says we have no taste?"

Remember how you advised me to get a dangerous hobby to build up my self-esteem and impress people? Well, all the dangerous hobbies were already taken. You wrestle alligators

The Return Of The Minipants

Maps to the homes of guys with friends who know some of the limo drivers of the personal trainers of the stars.

So you'd like to be a lawyer...we require honest, genuine people, who are prepared to...learn how to fake sincerity.

'Stop! Don't try to move him until we get his insurance information!'

"Pardon my glove."

"Eddie, what were you thinking? Either wear boots or go barefoot."

"Yes, dear. I'm pretty sure it's 'granny panties on the inside, pants on the outside.'"

"Well, dad. . . when I was a kid I got in trouble for trampling on the lawn or for beating up others. . . today, I get a lot of money for it!"

'Excuse me, would you mind...?'

Fifty Gallon Head.

Super Bowl 2012: The NFL finds a way to appease displaced ticket holders.

'Can you tell me the nationality of Napoleon?'

"She died doing what she loved."

"This new NFL video is great! It factors in the strength of each team's offense, defense, special teams and legal teams."

"Take my advice—never let anybody talk you into joining the Tie-of-the-Month Club."

"What? I slept seven months."

John Lennon

"Sweetie, I know we missed Princesses on Ice, but I'm going to make it up to you."

'That's my last signing of the cross if you're going to double-cross me like that!'

"Man's best friend with benefits"

Cam Newton

"But Reinhardt, you have another week and a half left of your vacation.""I had to come back, chief. They laughed at my black socks on Nantucket."

"I couldn't find my other wig."

Alain Prost

Hi! Frank and Ernie, here, with the clock running down on another Superbowl! It's been a wild affair! I'll say! The seals and penguins kept starting the wave! And the zebras were throwing flags all over the place!...The Kangaroo kept jumping offsides and the octopus was called for holding. Eight times! And all on the same play! But no question the game's MVP is the electric eel...thirty-two carries and nobody touched him once! It was shocking!

"Sorry, sir, but we have a strict dress code."

'Hey Dad, we learned to speak French at school today, listen: Cocorico!'

'It's the French Government - they want us to return all the words we borrowed from their language.'

'So, in closing, let's all say with as much sincerity as we can, 'Oh, what a darling kitchen!''

'My God, Edward †not a tweed BATHING SUIT!'

'Whoever said 'dressed to kill' hasn't seen your average murderer.'

Super Bowl Media Day 2013