Faux Meat Enthusiast Gifts

"We're making progress."

On August 14, 2011 at app. 2:00 p, Derek Winslow made scientific history by converting an item of the animal kingdom into an item of the plant kingdom.

Cow's Last Will and Testament.

Important Food Groups

"We have; pulled pork, enticed chicken, persuaded lamb, bullied beef, cajoled Turkey..."

"What do you have that won't kill me?"

Culinary surgery.

"May I offer you a side of life insurance?"

"We get all our meat from a man dressed like a butcher."

A butcher announcing he will kill his own meat

"I only recommend the 24 oz. Prime rib for big fat guys."

"Please stay on the line – your caul is important to us."

'I'd like the tongue, please.'

"I was hoping Calvin would grow up to be top sirloin..."

'New Barbeque.'

*=Hotdog

'MEN! We've got a fire at the cattle shed! Do we want rare, medium or well done?'

Family Butcher.

I assure you the animals didn't suffer. All of our meat comes from animals who died naturally of old age while vacationing in Miami.

"I know I have the body of a weak and feeble woman but, hang on a minute, I'm pretty sure I have the heart and stomach of a king, too..."

Down on Her.

"Just remember...the main ingredient in all my dishes is love."

"Veal or non-veal?"

Pigs at butcher: 'One day son, all this will be you..'

"Appetizer is almost done."

'Just between you and me, Mrs Frobish, how'd you like the lowdown on what's really in knockwurst?'

"You'd think over the years one or two of them would catch on."

Nothing sweeter than seeing an old couple holding hams.

Cooked rare.

"It says it's 100% ground beef. Only bones, brains, butts and eyeballs. Absolutely no pink slime added..."

'And exactly where did you find the 'antique salami slicer'?'

Vlad the Impaler - The Later Years.

'Bovine Growth Hormone.'

"Check this out, a 'Grizzly burger', do they honestly think that we'll believe it is made with real bear?"

'Acme Meat - meat products, bi-products, and bi-product spinoffs...'