Fatherly Advice Giver Gifts

"IF you want to get a girl's attention, ask if she likes to dance! Do the hustle!"

'Feel free to get a second opinion. I can give you the number to my mom.'

"Grandmom told me "the way to a man's heart is through his stomach." I told her that has medical malpractice written all over it!"

'He never listened to his mother!'

The girl with the sensible shoes.

'I've fallen in love and i've fallen in porage and believe me: porage is better.'

"If you bring joy and enthusiasm to everything you do, people will think you're crazy."

'I'm not sure if it's the programs or the commercials, but one is supposed to be a lot worse than the other.'

"Some will love you and some will hate you. It's always been that way with anchovies."

"DOES YOUR DAD ALWAYS GO ON ABOUT SOME STUFF THAT DOESN'T GROW ON TREES."

"The news lady says this bad guy was charged with assault...but he didn't have rifle. How's that possible?!"

Temptation.

Unselfish by nature - he delights to show the novice where the big chub cruise...and where the best pike lie.

"Have you considered the possibility that you could be too old for escapology classes?"

"I went with the flow and wound up in the French quarter."

'Said once, and never again!'

"Do you provide any coupons that would allow me one free lie? It would help ease my conscience."

"Don't make me come over there."

'Have ideals, fine - bit never let them cloud your business judgement.'

"No thanks! My dad said those things will kill you!"

I should have listened to my Mum: 'Never sit down during the hunting season...'

'You're not losing a daughter, Dad, you're gaining a son.' 'You're still moving out, right?!'

"If you have a boyfriend, I have some advice, young lady! Wisdom that's been handed down from generation to generation!"

'I didn't tell him how to drive. I just made a few suggestions.'

"I don't have a story, Tommy. I can offer a retrospective of your day, followed by a deep-dive to identify opportunities for improvement."

Battleaxe offers free advice.

"Baldo, school has always been about learning, expanding your mind, becoming a better person."

"Bobby was caught imposing his values on another student."

'People must be crazy to pay to hear a lecture! I get 'em free at home every day!'

'Dad, how old do you have to be to qualify for a government bailout?'

"Baldo, I can't believe you waited 'til the last minute to get your hair cut! You have school pictures tomorrow, and your barber is closed. That's nothing but procrastination!"

"If you had listened to me when you were twelve, you wouldn't be in this mess."

'Punish us if you must, Dad, but who will you get to tie your shoe laces for you?'

"My kids understand me. I've offered them the same disadvantages I grew up with."

"Look, Alice, if you're unhappy with your life, just do what I do: whisper you wants and needs into a cloth napkin, then crumple it up and put it in your lap."