Fatherly Advice Aficionado Pillows

"DOES YOUR DAD ALWAYS GO ON ABOUT SOME STUFF THAT DOESN'T GROW ON TREES."

"Awww man. My nuts are so old they're wrinkled." "Tell me about it."

I love my family!

"The moral of the story, honey, is that being a celebrity does not make you a credible children’s book author."

Next to Nothing

"How much did it cost to have your ears pierced?"

Note Book

"Sure, helicopter parenting is bad but drone parenting is way worse."

Lemming mothers

Looky... It's Bat'minton... I'll see myself out."

'I think it may be a limited edition.'

"OK...what's the quickest way to the hospital?"

'If you can tell the difference between good advice and bad advice, you don't need advice.'

"Only time can heal a broken heart, Brenda, and fortunately I have the time, every Thursday at three o'clock."

"I'm in big trouble. The dog ate my homework, and Dad ate my science project."

'Hey Holly, Watch! Biscuit can catch a ginger snap in mid-air!!'

"He followed me home...finally!"

Dad's home

'You say that he's so good that you 'Don't know you've got him', so what's the point of him?'

"I told you this would happen once you let her sleep on the bed."

Child on a schedule.

'It's best not to talk behind other people's back's, son. But if you must, the place to do it is in the media.'

"More aphorisms, please!"

"It's good for you. It has lots of vitamin D."

The Motherhood

"The idea is to stick art on the refrigerator, not carve it in."

"...Mom, can you get me a glass of wine?"

"Yo, Greg!" "Hey, Warren!"

"Well ok....but in your case I'll need DNA proof!"

Vulgar-free Beaver

'My astrologer says one thing, my guru says another, my psychiatrist says something else - I don't know who to turn to anymore.'

'Adolescents act like babies when they aren't treated like adults!'

'I asked you for one good reason why I should follow your advice, not six.'

"i finally got around to reading the 'Having A Baby' books."