Farming Funny Bone Pillows

'Can't understand all this fuss over cattle growth hormones.'

That's the worst case of 'cow arse' I've seen in a child!

Snowprov

'I think I know what the problem is!'

"We should start a church where we only read the parts of the bible that are never read in church."

'How could you flunk stone shop?'

"So when my dad said I couldn't have a dog..."

"Dear, did something happen at the office?"

"Hurry, stop him!" (Dog running off with bone from man's x-ray).

"I'm the Class Clown fish."

'I did my research paper on Bart Simpson!'

'Is it okay to apologize for something I'm going to do?'

"She's losing a lot of cream cheese. We're going to have to cut her open."

'God does not call the qualified. He koala-fies the called.'

Cut out and keep your own Gardener!

'And then as the young rat turned around, he realized he was in the junior high, block one dissection class!'

Excess Baggage: Some folks believe that calories consumed during vacation do not count against your diet.

'In tonight's debate, Ms. Johnson will argue the merits of accrual-based accounting, while Mr. Wilcox will defend the 'Don't Be Accrual' method!'

'What are you giving up for Lent this year?' - 'Anchovies.' - 'I thought you hated anchovies?' - 'I do. Care for a cookie instead?' - 'Lent is supposed to be about challenge and sacrifice!' - 'Play to win, Baby!'

"How do you prepare the chicken?"

'Ha, ha! But seriously folks...'

Vocation,vocation,vocation.

'Now that's what I call a religious broadcast.'

Entertaining The Troops On Wall Street

Jesus as a child - 'Just look at my clean floor! What have I told you about walking on puddles?'

Shortly after being accepted into John's heart, Jesus lodged in aorta.

Sigh. They never ask me to play.

Eucharist

Fish in Water Cooler.

"I just wish that, for once, when he asked me what I wanted, it wasn't followed by 'for Christmas?'"

'Well Alice. Now do you know what cull means?'

Movers and shakers.

'You can't sit like that all the way through the Budget.'

'I just glanced back at Sodom and Gomorrah for a second...'

"Care to support the caterers courtesy campaign?" "Do you mind I'm trying to eat!"