Fantasy Forecaster Gifts

Company sales forecast mirrors the weather

'We'll need lots of nappy changes today, the T. V. just said it's going to be wet and windy.'

"This paw has you meeting a lovely poodle, an enchantress who will win your heart... but look, here, this is telling me she's lousy with fleas."

"An early spring was just a prediction- I can't actually control the weather!"

'Too late...looks like they've already been pillaged.'

European currency on the edge.

Indigenous knowledge vs. climate projections and weather forecasts.

'Call the boss! We're in trouble!'

'You shouldn't have taken that personal pension.' 'You shouldn't have taken that endowment mortgage.' 'When do you get your free tv license?' Job's comforters, today.

Weatherman: "Tonight's weather forecast is confusing, followed tomorrow by downright bewildering."

"We may have to rob from the rich AND the poor."

'I see you in five years from now, you're still coming to see me. Do you want me to book the appointments in advance?'

'I can see a visit to the vet, but, oh my, no more kids after that!...'

"What's the final episode of 'Seinfeld' about?""It's about nothing."

"Remember that optimistic, slightly crazy, throw a dart at the wall forecast? We beat it."

"We're always excited to hear from analysts who are bullish on the market."

'Looks like the perfect time to bring in our profit sharing scheme.'

"Something will fall down from the sky and it will be the end of the world - just because you didn't eat all of your carrion for lunch, my boy!"

"I wouldn't stand there, if I were you."

"Lighten up! Your charts aren't that bad."

Pessimists v Optimists.

"Well in our defence we did get the numbers right they were just in the wrong order!"

'I think you'll find these projections somewhat exaggerated, but in a good way.'

"What the hell happened to this town?"

Melissa's Mark Prediction Service

'So, in 2079 you see the company breaking even. Can you give me some idea where you see things 10 years after that?'

'Following your 'barbecue summer' forecast, I'm revising predictions of your contract being reviewed.'

Passing the Pension Time Bomb

"We apparently exceeded our expectations but, do any of you remember what they were?"

Here today, Bailed Out Tomorrow.

What will happen in the world

"I don' want another weather forcaster - they're too unpredictable."

"Someday, son, a giant conglomerate will find a way to harness the moonlight and make us pay for it."