Fantasy Film Skeptic Pillows

'Assuming their porridge was poured at the same time, how could it then be too hot, too cold and just right?'

"I'll show you our growth projections but only if you promise not to snicker."

'So no animals were harmed in that movie...but how about the audience?!'

'I don't like reading on screen, so I'm printing the internet to look at it later.'

"You're telling me I should leave the artists' commune that saved me from my stepmother's tyrannical elitism, where I have seven boyfriends, to become the impotent figurehead of another unjust power structure?"

"That movie was very familiar...a cute little girl who hangs out with monsters from a secret world."

"When I die, I want to come back at anything except a book of short stories."

Our Summer Fantasy

"Two directors, three adaptations plus 3-D, and they STILL screw it up!"

"How am I rampaging?"

"Please, no more movies about feelings."

'Come on, dad...why would anyone follow a witch into a gingerbread house? It clearly wasn't built to code.'

"Is there a discount for someone who doesn't want to see the movie?"

'Why is it that there are so many bedtime stories about stupid princes and princesses, but no cool ones about zombies and chainsaws?'

'We'd like to return it. There wasn't any on-screen chemistry between us.'

Jason and the Argonauts.

'Forty years is as much 'Happily Ever After' as I can tolerate.'

"I'm not a fan of biblical movies."

'Lincoln Standardized Test Center - formerly Lincoln High School'

Man reading a giant book.

Still have the receipt do you?"

'HOLD ON! You're telling me that out of the whole population, in an entire kingdom, this glass slipper fitted just ONE person?!'

"Well, you call them fairy tales, I call them fake news."

"Forget the glass slipper thing. I've just installed the Tinderella app."

"Science fiction? Boring! It's always about gravity and blue skies and two-legged aliens. I prefer non-fiction."

The green shoots of recovery, and other fairy tales.

'That 'Jonah' story sounded FISHY to me!'

Permanent Annoying Logo TV.

'We spend a fortune on a big screen and he watches everything on his phone!'

Numb and Number.

Political Journalism