Big Screen Skeptic Pillows

'We spend a fortune on a big screen and he watches everything on his phone!'

Numb and Number.

Big screen TV falling through floor

'So no animals were harmed in that movie...but how about the audience?!'

'I don't like reading on screen, so I'm printing the internet to look at it later.'

You're on, caller. What's your problem?! The Oscars were so very, very boring. You decided to sit in front of your tv for four hours watching rich people give themselves awards. YOU DON'T DESERVE TO BE ENTERTAINED, LOSER! They're coming out with a new show called "Watching Celebrities Cash Their Checks." You'd probably enjoy that. Get professionally berated at asksadie@rudypark.com.

"Well, you can't say they didn't warn us."

At the 'Feel Good' movie of the year.

Bad Influence of TV

"I told you we should have got the smaller screen."

"You wanted to miss the Matisse show."

"The news you are about to see is fictitious and is shown merely for its sensational content."

"Smartphone sales" "Degradation of society"

"Please, no more movies about feelings."

"Two directors, three adaptations plus 3-D, and they STILL screw it up!"

"Is there a discount for someone who doesn't want to see the movie?"

'We'd like to return it. There wasn't any on-screen chemistry between us.'

"I'm not a fan of biblical movies."

"It's the only way I can get some of my patience to listen to me!"

Missing the score on a split-screen TV

"What are you doing?"

'The doctor from 'daytime television' said I've got gall stones, but I thought I'd better come to you for a second opinion.'

"We can now tell the rest of the mice that after testing on lab humans, phones can be an addictive time waster."

"It means this show has been dumbed down to the level of people who couldn't pour water out of a boot, even if the instructions were printed on the heel."

Permanent Annoying Logo TV.

"I pushed the learn button on the remote and that book popped up on the screen!"

"Science fiction? Boring! It's always about gravity and blue skies and two-legged aliens. I prefer non-fiction."

"A completely new concept in Television, a Vorderman free channel!!"

'I like to keep up-to-date with the movies I'll be hating next year.'

Family economy

"No one is watching our glorious battle. They are all staring at the tablets. . ."

"It's hard teaching history to these kids. They don't believe anything without a video."

"I'm sorry, but I can't commit to a full movie."

Want to go see "Ant-Man," little buddy? NO WAY!!! My whole life, I've had this recurring nightmare where I shrink and shrink and shrink

"And now the Oscar for the film that everyone claims they want to see when they ACTUALLY saw 'Fifty Shades Freed'."