Film Industry Skeptic Pillows

"Two directors, three adaptations plus 3-D, and they STILL screw it up!"

Screenwriters pitch movie to studio boss: 'It's a reinterpretation of Bicycle Thieves, that classic of Italian neo-realism. We're calling it, Dude, Where's My Chopper?'

Sign in book shop window: 'Critics agree the book is much better than the movie.'

"Why didn't you simply open the window?"

"OK, stop me if you've never heard this before!"

'So no animals were harmed in that movie...but how about the audience?!'

'For the actress who benefitted most by rehab...'

Tom Hanks

"We can stop entertaining ourselves now, Ian."

Talent, pluck, or plain dumb luck?

The revolution that hit Hollywood hardest:The Thinking Pictures."

Hollywood Breakup

'And the Award goes to...Ewww...him?'

"Bob, you're just not selling me on you essential hamburgerness."

'We don't know what the final result will look like, but the movie rights have already been optioned.'

"Jessica has an idea about going to the beach that she'd like to pitch you."

Hollywood or bust!

"I'm thinking action roles might not really be your thing."

True Story Movie

"I'd like to thank my family, but, to be honest, I'm pretty sure I could've done it without them."

Lord of the Rings IV.

"Face it - in this town, either you're a star or you're just another brown dwarf."

"I had that dream again where you're writing down all my fears and anxieties and working them into a screenplay."

Welcome to Hollywood

"Well, you can't say they didn't warn us."

"He's the exception: a fly on the wall who made it big in blockbuster movies."

Jennifer Lawrence

"So your agent doesn't like your lawyer, and your PlR. people don't like your manager. They all like you."

"You're going out there an annoying, mannered girl, but you're going to come back an indie queen."

"A P.R. Intern Named Salome with the Head Shot of John the Client."

"They say she's gone completely Sundance."

The Last Jedi dvd is going to have fourteen deleted scenes! Horrible mistake. The confident creator releases his work to the world and says This is it. This is what I want to show you. He doesn't then show you all the stuff he might have put in the story. Did Prince release the deleted stanza from Little Red Corvette where he also compared her to a Ford Pinto? Wait ... Prince compared a sexy lady to a Ford Pinto? Who knows? That's my point. Aren't you glad you don't know what?

Restraining orders from the stars.

"I see you do all your own stunts."

That's no big deal, a lot of people get Siskel and Ebert mixed up