Film Industry Skeptic Gifts

"Two directors, three adaptations plus 3-D, and they STILL screw it up!"

Screenwriters pitch movie to studio boss: 'It's a reinterpretation of Bicycle Thieves, that classic of Italian neo-realism. We're calling it, Dude, Where's My Chopper?'

"Why didn't you simply open the window?"

Sign in book shop window: 'Critics agree the book is much better than the movie.'

"OK, stop me if you've never heard this before!"

"We can stop entertaining ourselves now, Ian."

'So no animals were harmed in that movie...but how about the audience?!'

'For the actress who benefitted most by rehab...'

Tom Hanks

The revolution that hit Hollywood hardest:The Thinking Pictures."

Hollywood Breakup

Talent, pluck, or plain dumb luck?

'And the Award goes to...Ewww...him?'

'We don't know what the final result will look like, but the movie rights have already been optioned.'

"Jessica has an idea about going to the beach that she'd like to pitch you."

"Bob, you're just not selling me on you essential hamburgerness."

Hollywood or bust!

"I'm thinking action roles might not really be your thing."

"I'd like to thank my family, but, to be honest, I'm pretty sure I could've done it without them."

"I had that dream again where you're writing down all my fears and anxieties and working them into a screenplay."

"Face it - in this town, either you're a star or you're just another brown dwarf."

True Story Movie

"Well, you can't say they didn't warn us."

Welcome to Hollywood

When stars marry: 'Why did you ask him first? Does he have top billing?'

"I see you do all your own stunts."

"You're going out there an annoying, mannered girl, but you're going to come back an indie queen."

"They say she's gone completely Sundance."

"So your agent doesn't like your lawyer, and your PlR. people don't like your manager. They all like you."

"A P.R. Intern Named Salome with the Head Shot of John the Client."

Restraining orders from the stars.