Cinema Skeptic Gifts

'It stinks!'

"Is there a discount for someone who doesn't want to see the movie?"

"I'm sorry, but I can't commit to a full movie."

'So no animals were harmed in that movie...but how about the audience?!'

"I'm not a fan of biblical movies."

'I don't like reading on screen, so I'm printing the internet to look at it later.'

"What do the know!"

"Two directors, three adaptations plus 3-D, and they STILL screw it up!"

"Please, no more movies about feelings."

'We'd like to return it. There wasn't any on-screen chemistry between us.'

'You're not really into this, are you Mahoney?'

"Somehow these awards are seeming less special."

'Lincoln Standardized Test Center - formerly Lincoln High School'

Numb and Number.

'We spend a fortune on a big screen and he watches everything on his phone!'

Permanent Annoying Logo TV.

"Science fiction? Boring! It's always about gravity and blue skies and two-legged aliens. I prefer non-fiction."

"It's hard teaching history to these kids. They don't believe anything without a video."

'I like to keep up-to-date with the movies I'll be hating next year.'

Sun Times: UFO Sighting Hoax

"I've been watching British shows on hulu. They're strange."

'That movie did certainly seem to touch a nerve.'

"Honey, if you don't mind, I'd prefer to keep the details of our marriage more analog than digital."

'All I did was touch the screen here, and it called me a misanthrope.'

'What's the best thing you've seen this week?'

"Well, the tickets sure as hell weren't minimal."

"These days nothing says unfunny more than the sound of people laughing."

"I don't want to sit so close to the stage that the actors can see my eyes glaze over."