Fancy Cuisine Fan T-Shirts

"Fee-fi-fo-fum, I smell Thursday's gluten-free lasagna!"

"The menu just says fried fish, but may I give you a more compelling, surprisingly lyrical description?"

'He's trying to put some magic into my recipes.'

Before/After

"How sweet, your hand is trembling."

'Two famous French wines.' 'Red and white.'

"Is the garbage fresh?"

"This wine tastes like a**....Bring me every bottle you have!"

'Are you ready to be patronised yet?'

"Tonight, we'll be eating hot dogs with a mustard-ketchup-and-pickle purée, accompanied by peas lightly sprinkled with ketchup. Then fettuccine al dente with a ketchup sauce, followed by applesauce maison with a dollop of you know what!"

"Interested in some romantic punk rock during your dinner?"

'We let our products speak for themselves. This is ‘I Can't Believe It's So Tasty And Price-Friendly In Today's Demanding Market.' '

"I'll have the crescent-crab 'purses' and the smoked duck 'hash' – hold the quotation marks."

"Yes, you could have cooked it, but you didn't."

'I think the microwave has finally given up the ghost.'

Champagne speaking to lobster about going to the Derby

Clancy: Frogs' Legs

'Do you happen to have a scratch-and-sniff menu?'

"Will the gentleman want the saumon poché with or without his initials?"

"Sous vide hot dog round, dehydrated generic bun dust, sweet relish foam, ketchup tuile."

Robinson le Creusot

Pasta, Cookies, Antacids.

'Whoever called this job WAITING obviously never did it!'

Fish and Chips - "Could you please blow into this bag for me, Sir?"

"Oh, for God's sake, Harold, please close your mouth when you chew your food! This is a fancy restaurant."

"I'll have the business prodigy's lunch."

"They offer a great three-course meal -- one appetizer and two desserts."

Young Professional Recipe Test

"Apologies, monsieur, frogs legs are off the menu."

'Creme Vichyssoise?' 'I'll have a cheese roll.'

"Lemming" Meringue Pie

'I am sorry, sir, but zee facilities are for zee paying customers only.'

"What's your surf and turf today?"

"I'm afraid we're closed. The lobsters escaped and killed the chef."

Peacock with feathers reading 'Posh picnic'